Welcome to the Hickstionary, a landing spot for all things H family.
I'm Heidi. He's Rusty. And together we have our beautiful babe, Beckett and a furry menace, Dakota.
I mostly use this space to brag about how awesome the kid is, whine about how naughty the dog is & share an occasional deep thought.
Thanks for hanging out with us as we figure out this [blessed] life!

If you are looking for my photography blog (where words don't tend to fall out of my mouth nearly as freely), visit {captured by} heidi.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

behind the name | joa caroline

I firmly believe that the more babies you have, the harder it is to name them.

When we found out we were expecting Joa, we went to our old name lists to see what good leftovers there were. Right away we picked out Murphy for a girl. We both loved it (really, I'm not sure why Rusty didn't love it the first time around but he was on board this time!) and it just sounded right. I was pretty excited that we had a name so easily for her it wouldn't take months of soul searching like Arley's did.

Ha.

Fast forward a couple months and one thing after another and R decides he's no longer feeling it. He vetoes Murphy and we're back to square one.

We toss around several names and land on Mavis. (He really liked Maeve but we decided a Mavis could go by either.) We totally name stole it from a client- her Mavis is 6 and is the cutest, sweetest thing you ever did meet. I've always loved her name and had tucked the name away, anxiously waiting for Rusty to love it too. I emailed Mavis' mom a million times just to make sure she was okay with us name stealing it. I even asked our friends with a Maeve if they were okay with us name stealing because R was pretty sure he'd be calling her Maeve (or, you know, Mavy wavy). 

Mavis! We had found the perfect name! I designed a nursery and shirts and picked out the Christmas stocking around sweet little Mavis' name. Beckett, Arley & Mavis. BAM! We had the perfect trio. 

Fast forward a couple months and one Mavis born after another (really, how did the name become so popular?!) and all of a sudden I'm backing out! Our friends with new baby Mavis' say to use the name anyway (and Rusty agrees) but I couldn't help but think if I knew of multiple Mavis babies already born this year, how many more would there be?! Beckett's name has grown in popularity a ton since he was born and I didn't want Arley to be the only one with a weird name. (Ha. Just kidding. That's not really why I backed out. Sort of. Kind of.)

And we're back to square one.

We have nothing. No leftovers. No reserves. No names floating around as maybes. 

I draft a completely new list. Elowynn is at the top. Seriously, I've always wanted a Wynn/Winnie. And the name means Elm. (The street of our first apartment. Coincidentally, our other two babies have names that mean Meadow and meadow brook, also streets where we've lived.) I fall in love with the name and convince my friends to convince Rusty to do the same.

He's not sold.

We add to the list. Josie is close to the top. I've always wanted a Jo too (we actually talked about Mavis Jo before Mavis got vetoed- which is actually the exact first and middle name one of our friends used this summer!). I love the idea of a Jo name.

We keep searching.

We land on Joa. It's cute. I've only heard of a couple. Ever. 

We look up the meaning. Hebrew. Variant of Joah. Meaning family of God.

It's cute. Has great meaning. No real personal connection but we'll take it!

Fast forward to the Cubs winning the world series. You can't have a baby in 2016 and NOT have a Cubs related name, right?! I google Chicago Cubs Joa and find out that Joa is the name of the first live Cubby bear mascot! SOLD! That was when we decided we had to stick with it! (Sorry your name meaning isn't more awesome, Joa!) ;)

Caroline was a little easier. We liked Jo (but couldn't use with Joa), Lu (short for my grandma Helen Luciell's middle name), Kate (my sister's middle name, also after my grandma Kathryn) and Caroline (the girl variant of Charles- my brother Todd's middle name).

We liked all of them but I didn't want her name to be super short when the other two kids had to learn a lot of letters so we went with Caroline. She ended up being born on my other brother's birthday so she shares a birthday with my oldest brother and a sort of middle name with my other brother! (And shares a nickname- Jo/Joe, with my step-brother!)

Joa Caroline, I know there isn't a super amazing, give ya goosebumps type of story behind your name but we do absolutely love it and six weeks in we think it fits you perfectly! I can't imagine you with any other name!

(That's saying a lot considering I wanted to change Arley's name for at least the first 6 months!) ;) 

We hope you like it too, sweet girl! 





Joa's Nursery

Can I admit that Joa is 6 weeks old (tomorrow) and her nursery still isn't 'finished?' I just can't figure out what I want to do in the corners and I'm still not sold on the furniture arrangement but third baby means you don't have a lot of time to sit and think about the nursery design so you plop a crib in a room and call it good. Knowing that would likely be the case, I stuck as many special pieces in as I could to make up for my lack of planing and prepping.

Anyway, in case you were checking my blog daily for a nursery post (ha! does anyone still stop by this corner of the web anymore because I rarely do?!), I present to you- Joa's nursery!









We started by moving B to the basement. His brick wall was left behind. I didn't want to take it down but I didn't want it to look so rough and tough so we painted it white to tone it down but keep the texture. I wanted to add some color on the walls but didn't want to on the brick wall and didn't want another wall competing for the accent wall so we slapped it on the ceiling instead! (It's Behr's MAUVE IT. I know it looks purple in that lighting but it's mauve. I promise.) We wanted to move the chandelier out of B's new room (because it didn't exactly scream boy room) so we moved it to the nursery. I didn't want to move Arley out of her crib so we bought a new crib. I searched and searched for the perfect chair. My mom bought this beauty for us (and apparently it was a popular choice because it took MONTHS to arrive). It was worth the wait. From there I couldn't decide if I wanted to go classic traditional, trendy, boho, a little girly or what so I did everything! I stuck a bunch of pieces I loved together and called it good.  Sources below.
Crib. WayfairChair. Baxton Crib skirt/sheet. Bella NotteJOA letters. AnthropologieMacrame above crib. Knitting WondersMacrame mobile above chair. a.moiler.fibreartDresser. (Found on our neighbors curb, painted in Behr Mauve It)Shelf. (Made following this tutorial.)Bench and Bookshelves. IKEAPillow. Rug. and Lamp. Urban Outfitters
Rocking Horse. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Joa Caroline | a birth story

Joa's due date is today(!) but we've already been home a week with our sweet girl! Crazy how fast the last days have flown by. But I'm getting ahead of myself... let's back up to three weeks ago.

Joa's 37 week OB check. My BP is high and slight protein. I was two numbers (points?) off from getting sent to the hospital. The OB gives me the choice on going and I request to not because we still had a LONG to do list at home (third baby problems). We discuss that if I'm still pregnant at my 39 week check that we will schedule an induction for the following day (Dec 1).

November 22nd- her 38 week check. Baby's head is lower (way low) (and I'm fully aware of this every time I move or sit still or breath or whatever...), I'm dilated to 3 (I never dilated before labor with the other two) and baby looks like she could come 'any day.'  The plan is still to induce after my 39 week check. When I get home the OB calls to tell me my least favorite OB of the group is on call the entire week of Dec 1 EXCEPT 11/30. They move my 39 week appointment with a plan to induce on 11/30 (with an OB I love). It's a strange feeling 'picking' baby's birthday... and birth month! I worry I will chicken out of the induction and ask them to let me wait for her to come on her own.

November 25th- we ride the Polar Express and I cross my legs the entire time praying baby stays put. It's the most uncomfortable ride I've ever been on in my life but the kids loved it so that was a good distraction.

November 27th- it's a normal Sunday afternoon of trying to get the 'to do' list done before baby day and the basketball coaches coming over for a coaches meeting. Even though there were a million baby things left to take care of before baby day, I was insistent on tiling the bathroom shower. Rusty and I take turns tiling but I got to do most of it. In a strange way it was a soothing distraction (like one big easy puzzle?). I have Rusty take a picture so we can show baby when she's older that her very pregnant mama was up on a stool tiling the bathroom shower. I post it to instagram and mention I could have a baby any minute.

November 27th, 10pm- we lay the last piece of tile in the shower. Three minutes later I start leaking (or possibly peed myself, it was hard to tell at this point). I took a shower and got ready for bed. I still seamed to be leaking. I kept thinking it would really 'break' at some point like it did with Beckett (it was ver obvious that time), but it was just a slow, annoying leak. With Arley, I had a high leak two days before she was born. My OB sent me to the hospital and they sent me home. I really didn't want to be sent home this time so I waited it out. Eventually I remembered I was group B and should probably get to the hospital and get some antibiotics going. I casually mention to Rusty we should go and he starts calling/texting neighbors looking for someone to sleep on our couch.

November 28th, 12:26 pm- it took awhile to find anyone awake but our neighbor arrives and we head to the hospital (thanks again, John!).

12:50 am- arrive at Mercy. Sent to the C-Section waiting room while they check the girl ahead of me in. Pray that isn't a sign of things to come(!).

1:18 am- (finally) checked in.

1:36 am- Checked. Nurse says I'm a keeper. Dilated 4cm.

1:50 am- The floor OB (this is new....) confirms the rupture.

2:30 am- GBS antibiotic started. It took our amazing nurse Monica ONE time to get the IV in. This is a small miracle after the six pokes I got with Arley!

Contractions are 4-5 minutes apart but I can't feel them.

3:15 am- Rusty sneaks me some PB toast (I hadn't had an appetite all day and had barely anything to eat!). Lights out. Try to sleep.

4:30 am- wake up nauseous. Was thinking I could have been transitioning already but I wasn't so maybe the antibiotics making me sick?

5:15 am- Nurse checks- no change. OB wants to start pitocin. I'm nervous about starting it without having had the GBS antibiotics done. Nurse agrees with me so we drag our feet. (Did I mention my least favorite OB is on call all week?!)

6:30 am- Second round of GBS antibiotic. Start pitocin.

7:10 am- Face time with a squirrely B who is up early and hanging out with his grandma.

7:20 am- First strong contraction. Three minutes apart. (Funny because I never felt anything with Arley's labor until right after we face timed B too!)

7:50 am- Fentanyl (but I can't say it makes a difference).

8:05 am- IUPC in. More water comes out.

8:30 am- Epidural (Dr. Krenshaw)

8:35 am- A client shoots me a text and needs a last minute download.

9 am- 6cm, almost fully effaced. I reminded the nurse that soon after I hit 6 with Arley that I felt like I needed to push. She said to let her know asap once I felt the pressure this time. Was thinking maybe within 30 minutes or so we might be getting close...

9:10 am- I log on R's computer to send that last minute gallery.

9:12 am- Texting with client (she got her download!)

9:13 am- Pressure hits hard and fast.

9:15 am- 10 cm. They get OB.

9:20 am- Start pushing.

9:21, 9:22, 9:23, etc, etc- Start asking for a tiny episiotomy. We had a mentee nurse shadowing for the day because I was supposed to be the 'easy' birth of the day and according to my records would be "pleasant and quick." A guaranteed (easy and quick) delivery. I could tell by the nurse's face once I said "SOMEONE GET ME AN EPISIOTOMY!" that she was rethinking how easy I would be. ;) The OB refuses the episiotomy and assures me I don't need it. I'm exhausted. I'm hungry. My legs hurt (in a numb, weird, just had an epidural way) and I have nothing in me to push. I beg them just to take the baby out.

9:37ish am- Our photographer arrives!

9:38 am- Our sweet baby Joa enters the world!

Maybe she was just waiting on the photographer because she knew how much I  would love those pictures but likely she was just hung up. As it turns out I tore (and am still sore as I type this) and she likely would have come much faster had I gotten that tiny episiotomy. Her birth definitely wasn't the peaceful, easy pushing delivery that Arley's was but compared to most birth stories I definitely can't complain. I did have to work a little harder this time but she's of course oh so worth it.


They hold her up and I'm surprised because she doesn't immediately look like the other two. Her little face is squished and swollen and bruised and she looks slightly like an angry bulldog (in a cute way of course!).

They bring her to me and ask Rusty to cut the cord. I object and ask them to wait a minute on the cord but the OB says it's already been clamped and is too late (note to mamas- just because your last births were perfect and the OB did everything you wanted, don't assume your current OB will- if you want something like delayed cord clamping you need to request it BEFORE it's time).

She snuggles up to me and poses her little head on her arms- such a photographer's daughter!

9:41 am- placenta delivered (disclaimer- that photo made the video!)

10:15 am- she latches on and starts nursing. She does a good 15 minutes on each side.


11:22 am- We face time with Beckett and Arley. B says, "Awwww she's so cute just like Arley!" and Arley just stares, wide eyed!

Joa nurses again before we head to the mother/baby floor. We head out in the wheelchair and I am ready to soothe her as we head to the elevator. I'm sure she'll cry like her siblings both did when we hit the elevator bump but instead she just looks at me and doesn't seem to mind. The nurse says she's obviously the token chill third child.

12 noon- Joa and daddy head to the nursery for her screenings and is measured in at 20.25in.


Soon after they arrive in the new room and the three of us take a little nap. We're so in love. And so tired.

Sweet Joa, you are so so loved. I'm so thankful you 'picked' your own birthday and I didn't have to stress about choosing an induction. I'm so thankful for another perfect delivery and healthy baby and feel so completely blessed with three amazing babies. Welcome to our little family that adores you oh so much.







<3 nbsp="" p="">
<3 nbsp="" p="">(Most images from our amazing and talented friend Tessa from Studio T. A few from a nurse and a couple from Rusty.)
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<3 nbsp="" p="">
<3 nbsp="" p="">Other notes:
-I was hesitant about the OB (and more hesitant to type that in the world wide web) but it was fine. I love all the other OBs in our group and trusted that I would be in good care. We had AMAZING nurses (as we've always had at Mercy) and they were awesome of course. That said, I was super thankful for our night nurse that advocated for me. Nurses are amazing!
-Like usual- I'm not going to proof read but you're welcome to for me. ;)
-Watch the video at your own risk- the placenta picture is probably the worst of it. I included most of our pictures. Since she came so fast our birth photographer wasn't there very long so I included most everything we had. :)
-Rusty is awesome. I'm so thankful to have him by my side as we welcome our sweet babies.
-We have three kids! (?!?!?!) ;)

Edited to add... 
<3 nbsp="" p="">The first two weeks after her birth I was sick and exhausted (more than the normal new baby exhausted) and losing so (SO) much blood. I finally passed some tissue and realized it was pretty serious so we headed back to the OB. The ultrasound tech cried with me as the OB explained what was going on (retained placenta and hemorrhaging) and I had to have a D&C done to fix it. Friday of that week was B's first Christmas program and I was devastated thinking I might miss it. I was worried about surgery affecting my breastfeeding. I was already over the time I had spent away from Arley in the hospital and didn't want to do it again. I was a mess. Surgery came and was okay. (I still had some bleeding after and spent that evening at Mercy but was improving.)  Then Friday came (B's program day) and it was my worst day yet. My meds were messing me up and it was just a ROUGH day all around but I made it to his program and was so glad to be there. That weekend I was finally able to get some rest and that made a huge difference. I turned the corner fast after some sleep (and more meds) and started doing so much better right away. It was super scary but I'm so thankful for the care we had between our OB staff and the surgery center and the hospital and also for all the help we had from friends and family.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Who Ya Gonna Call?

We're stuck at home with a sick boy and I'm (mostly) caught up on work for a couple days. Which means I have time to blog for the first time in forever! Since all I ever post are milestones/birthdays and Halloween pictures, here's our little ghostbuster and stay puft marshmallow (girl). Can you tell big brother picked out costumes again this year? Not sure if she'll let him choose hers next time around! They did get tons of compliments this year though so he did a great job again!

Happy Halloween!


Full disclosure: I've never seen Ghostbusters. I didn't know if it was even appropriate for a 4yo and his baby sister but he insists the cartoon is okay for kids and not scary. Since I hadn't seen the movie I wasn't sure where to take pictures. We don't have a lot of NYC scenes in this small town but I did remember the summer I lived in New York that everyone would say, "You know the library! Where they filmed Ghostbusters?!" I really didn't know the library but I figured it out quick so we decided the NYC Library would be a great spot for pictures. (Or Beardshear Hall.... close enough.) ;)

Also- every year we get lots of questions on where we found the costumes. These are both off of Amazon! (Of course!)










Sunday, September 25, 2016

arley | 18 months

I kind of forget this little corner of the web was here. Sorry, blog! Here's an 18 month Arley update to make up for it. ;) (Full disclaimer, I'm copying/pasting from IG...)

At 18 months she is talking SO much! She puts together full sentences (I.e. "I want a cheese stick.") and commands ("Dakota! Sit down!"). Just this weekend she switched from the full open mouth slobbery kiss to the kissy lip smooches (with sound effects) and she's been practicing her new kiss technique on everyone she sees. She doesn't know very many strangers (but hates crowds and is nervous around loud people) and she is fast to snuggle up to mom's friends and convinces them to cuddle/snuggle/feed/play with her. She has the biggest belly laugh and the smoochiest cheeks when she smiles. She is currently obsessed with dolls and wants them swaddled in blankies as she packs them around. Other favorites are: Dakota hugs, being outside, sandbox, plasma car, stealing brother's toys, and picking things up and putting them away. She loves to 'help' but we constantly have to check the garbage to make sure she hasn't made any unwanted deposits. In the last month she's started some on the floor tantrums but so far they don't last long. Her favorite foods are noodles, watermelon(!), shrimp, frozen gogurts, and she had more than her fair share of Popsicles this summer. She wears size 4 diapers (5 at night) and 18-24 month clothes (a lot of 2T too). She is obsessed with clothes and SHOES. She loves dressing up and changes her shoes several times a day. (Thank you to our friends for amazing hand me downs!! We'd be in trouble without them!) She has started mentioning baby and pointing to mama's belly and kisses and talks to baby too. I know she'll make an awesome big sister. She is the sweetest girl I've ever known but she does have quite the sass. Love this sweetie girl and her big personality so very much!! (Stats coming after checkup.) #arleysbabybook#18months










Friday, June 10, 2016

It's a...

In case you missed it on the captured by heidi blog... we have some exciting news in the Hicks house! We're adding one more sweet girl to the crew this coming basketball season!

Beckett is BEYOND excited about it and Arley is just happy because Beckett is. He has taught her her how to say baby and she says it all day every day. B keeps saying how much he LOVES babies and that obviously his sissy does too! He was really hoping for a brother but said he loves having another baby sister too and he knows the next baby will be a brother (we haven't broke the bad news on the probably no more siblings to him yet...).

Anyway, that's the exciting news (and more pics of my cute, excited kiddos on the cbh blog!)!


Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Beckett's Fourth Birthday

B and I were looking at chapbooks of birthdays past tonight and he started talking about his circus party.... I realized I hadn't posted anything from it anywhere... And really couldnt even remember what we did for his party!

So this is slightly overdue....


A Fourth Birthday CIRCUS Party!

Prep: B loved the circus with grandma and Hattie and knew exactly what to have at a circus party after going. He planned the menu (hot dogs, sno cones, popcorn) and decorated the cake (mostly by himself with a lot of direction...). :) The prints are engineer prints from Staples (one of my fave/cheapest ways to make a big pop).

The weather was awesome and the kids got to play outside (huge thanks to Little Tikes and Oakland Avenue for the awesome jump house!). I'm not sure we got a single family picture (I need to dig a little further) and we missed the cousin pic this year.

Afterwards we loaded up and headed to the Water Park of America (and the Mall of America)- per B's birthday wish. It was a jam packed, super fun weekend. Our little guy got to do some of his favorite things- party, snuggle grandma, stay at a hotel, and go to a water park. The perfect weekend!

I still can't believe he's FOUR! (Another reason this post may have taken me so long...)

But four looks good on you, buddy!






Monday, December 7, 2015

mental health week?



This week, I keep seeing posts about mental health week (I could totally use one of those!) and have even clicked on a couple posts to skim through...

I've seen posts for depression, anxiety, bipolar, the list goes on…

but nothing on postpartum depression.

To be fair, I don't really know much about PPD, and while I guess I'm not even sure it belongs in the category of mental illnesses, I've been surprised to see it missing from the mental health week posts.

It seems like a taboo topic and until recently, it always made me think of Susan Smith, but today, I'll let you in on how that's changed for me.

After my first awesomely perfect baby was born, life was good. Sure, I had a moment of 'I might throw this screaming baby out the window' but it was fleeting and I really was living in bliss; sweet sleep deprived bliss. Adjusting to a new normal and figuring out my new self was hard but mostly I was so thankful for my new role and life was so, so good.

After my second baby, for obvious reasons, I was down. I had the blues but didn't identify them as postpartum blues. I didn't make the connection that you could have postpartum issues when you didn't have a baby to care for. After losing a baby at 16 weeks, it didn't dawn on me that postpartum care should have been part of my self care and it wasn't until I landed in the ER that I realized it was needed (physically and mentally).

Not long after rebounding from that, we were ecstatic to be expecting sweet baby Arley. We knew right away she was a girl and the hormones were there to prove it. By this point, I wasn't really sure what 'normal' hormones were anymore and mine were all over the place.

When our sweet girl arrived, of course we were thrilled (truly, I can't imagine a moment more perfect than the first time I saw her face), but those hormones raged on.

I've been told, and from my own experience agree, girl hormones are so much harder than boy baby hormones. I've been told pregnancies soon following another are also high/hard on the hormones. So I had a lot going against me. I knew this in my mind but I'm not sure my heart and mind were working together in the months following her birth.

It wasn't until very recently that I was able to tell my husband I felt like the fog had lifted. If you've had PPD, you know that the new baby fog and 'THE fog' are so different. I'm not sure how to explain it, but let me say this- it was hard.

It was so hard. Hard and lonely.

Let me start with some symptoms. You'll find a whole list of symptoms here, but mine didn't start out as the most obvious ones. In fact, when I mentioned at my 6 week post baby check I thought I might have some PPD, they all but ignored me. Mainly, for me, it started out as not being able to sleep. I didn't feel anxious or worried, I just wasn't sleeping. Ever. Arley was sleeping five, six, then seven hour stretches and I would still get maybe 1-2 hours. Later, I felt overwhelmed. It made sense- I started back to work when she was just a couple weeks old and it was hard. I was working full-time and taking care of two babies full-time with no daycare for our newborn and very little daycare for our 3yo. It was overwhelming but for obvious reasons. That lead to anger/irritability.  Time was not something I felt like I had a lot of and my husband couldn't help out fast enough and my 3yo couldn't listen well enough. My expectations were unrealistically high and when they didn't get met, I was unreasonable in my response. (Maybe a post for another day but we won't even mention my new fondness for the 'f word' during this stage. I really didn't recognize myself at this point.) From there I spiraled into the other symptoms and really felt alone in my sorrow. It took a few months for the cycle to work it's way through so I think that was another reason I didn't recognize it as PPD at first.

Once I (finally) recognized it, I would casually mention it in conversation. (I should maybe back up here and mention I was rarely seeing people during this time. My new normal was crazy and with a crazy schedule and a mean disposition, my social life wasn't exactly 'hopping.')  So when I would casually mention it I would get one of two responses.

1.) "Ohmygosh, me too. I totally get it. I….. yada yada yada…. fill in the blank with typical baby blues responses." …...They didn't really get it. They got baby blues. They got the new mom thing. But they didn't get the PPD. They didn't understand the depths of it and by brushing it off made me feel unheard.

or…

2.) ……. awkward silence…. weird stares….. bumpy transition into any topic more pleasant, say... diaper blowouts or hemorrhoids.

The second group of people I assumed were about to call the cops on me and warn them of a possible Susan Smith situation.

Conversation about hemorrhoids it is.

So. All that to say. I don't really have any insight for you. I wish I could tell you I got help and was able to come out of it. I wish I could tell you how to do that for yourself. But I can't. I wasn't brave enough to ask. (Well after the awkward stare from the medical professional at my 6 week check, I wasn't brave enough to ask…) I waited. For 7ish long months, I waited. Eventually my hormones leveled out and the fog lifted. And I have been able to speak candidly about it with sweet mamas since. I've since found two soul sisters that know exactly what I'm talking about and with their sweet encouragement, I'm going to beg of you this….

If you have a mama friend reaching out for help- be there. Listen to them. Ask them how they are doing. Check in with them. If you have a mama friend with a new baby and she's not reaching out for help, do all that same stuff. She may need you. And she may not even know it.

And if you are the mama friend needing help- ask for it. Tell someone. Tell your husband. Tell your friend. Tell your doctor. Tell a counselor. If they ignore you, tell someone else. Don't ignore your gut feelings and wait it out. Don't regret missing sweet moments of your baby's first months. Get what you need and get on with your beautiful life.

Because you can do it. And your sweet baby needs you to.









Friday, October 16, 2015

mario and princess peach

B picked out this year's costumes. He is SO excited to have sis 'match' him and can't wait to teach her how to beg for candy. :)




Saturday, October 10, 2015

i didn't want to be brave.

"I was really brave, mommy. I didn't want to be brave but I was!" -B

Before I tell this story let me preface it by saying yes, we vaccinate our kiddos. I have read and researched and prayed and even cried over it and this is the decision we have landed on. I respect your choice for your kids and believe we're all doing the best we can by our babies.

Now that that's out of the way…

Sis had six month shots scheduled for today. We were at a friend's house this morning and they were talking flu shots which made me realize B might have to get a shot today today. I talked to him about it and said it might happen. He informed me he hates shots. A lot.

When we arrived the nurse checked and sure enough, he was going to get a shot today. He informed her he hates shots. A lot.

Nurse: I have a surprise for you.
B: I don't even want your sucker.
Nurse: I can give you a sticker too. Do you want it in your arm or your leg?
B: I want it NOWHERE!!! (As he runs to hide behind the table and starts rocking in the fetal position.)

At this point I was sure it was going to end badly. I was hating myself for not scheduling it when Rusty could come and I was wondering if there was room behind the table for me to also curl up in the fetal position.

Meanwhile sis is happily waiting her turn. (She had no idea what was coming.)




Somehow I managed to beg God Almighty to please not let this end badly say a quick prayer and while I was trying not to freak out myself, B slowly got up and looked at the sticker before climbing to his spot. He nervously told the nurse she could do the shot in his leg.


Truly I have no idea how that just happened.

But he did it and she gave him a shot. He cried out for about 5 seconds then looked at me and said, "I'm glad I did it mommy. I want to do that again sometime!"


What?!


(Shortly after, sis had her shots and screamed bloody murder right after giving me the 'how could you do this to me' look. #breakmyheart She did manage to calm down much faster this time than in times past so we're calling it a win.)


Being so thankful we survived mostly unscathed, I scooped up my baby and B grabbed my hand and walked out proudly carrying his hard earned sticker. When we got to the car he says, "I was really brave, mommy. I didn't want to be brave but I was!" 

#heartmelted


Most days my babies teach me more about life than I do them. Today was one of those days.

I don't want to be brave. I don't want to do the hard thing. I don't want to deal with the mess.

I. don't. want. to.

But……


[to be continued.]






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