Happy

Someone I just recently met, read my tag line on my email signature. It's been there so long I've forgotten about it and clearly it's message is lost on me. 

'Be joyful always.'

It's always been one of my favorite scriptures. Mainly cause I tend to favor the short and easy to memorize ones but more importantly because I need the reminder. 

In former stages of life, I was known as 'the smiley one.' People I barely knew would comment about the smile always plastered on my face. It wasn't necessarily that I always felt like smiling but maybe more that I always wanted people to wonder what I was smiling about. ;) But I was smiling anyhow. 

At some point/stage in life, people stopped commenting on the contagious smile and kinda stopped commenting all together. I wasn't the one people gravitated to at a party, rather I felt invisible instead. I couldn't start a new table and wait for it to fill up around me, I had plenty of room to stretch out in the empty seats on either side. Instead of smiling through an awkward conversation or changing the subject of a hurtful one, I've mastered the art of even more awkwardly staring at the ground in silence until someone gets the hint. (I should probably be embarrassed to admit I've done this multiple times lately.)*

Recently my two year old has been obsessed with talking about feelings; mainly he's telling us he's happy all the time. He points out when someone's not (Dakoty sad. Dakoty not happy). The other day he held his fingers to the edges of his smile and told me, 'if you just do this you will be happy!'**

The two year old telling me I needed to get the sourpuss look off my face? 

Ouch. 

'Be joyful always.' 

Not just when I feel like it. Not just when things are going my way. Not just when people are being nice to me. 

Always. 

I really do have a lot to be thankful for but even if I didn't, isn't life and God's love for me more than I deserve anyway? Isn't that something to be joyful about?

Always. 

Lord, help me to be joyful in all stages and seasons of life; not just the easy ones going my way. Guard my tongue when I feel like grumbling and instead fill my life and words with encouragement and love. And some happy. Amen. 



*No, I'm not in junior high. I just act like it. 

**We think his obsession started with the 'Happy' song. Who wouldn't be happy when listening to that? ;) 

Two. and a half.

In just a few short hours, Mr. B will be two AND A HALF. On one hand, it's nice because when people ask his age and think he's three or nearly three, I can just say 'two and a half' instead of 'he just turned two in November.' On the other hand.. HE'S TWO AND A HALF.

Seriously. How did that happen?

Since his second birthday, the biggest change has been the potty training trick. He rarely ever has accidents (though I know I just jinxed it and he'll have one tomorrow now). And if he knows diaper time (nap or bedtime) is too far away, he'll even ask to use the potty for you know what. (Because apparently he still likes doing that in his diaper.)

His big interests are still anything with wheels (trains, Cars, trucks, tractors, airplanes) and dinosaurs. The dinosaur obsession started when we downloaded (the original) Land Before Time onto his iPad. Since then, Aunt Kerry got him a whole set of LBT movies and they play on repeat.

He loves going on bike rides but this year has decided he only wants to wear a helmet if mom is (good thing I got a cute one!).

He can spot a park a mile away and starts shouting, 'PARK! Park please!!' from the backseat as we drive by. (This may have something to do with the 100 parks in 2014 plan we are trying out. My awesome friend Molly posted that she was doing it with her girls and I knew it'd be right up our alley too. SO fun!)

He's super into 'projects' and spent a lot of time painting and coloring this winter.

He knows his way around an iPad better than either of his parents.

His favorite song is Happy.

He LOVES fruit (grapes, strawberries, bananas, etc, etc) but has decided he's not that into veggies. Even peas (which used to be his fave snack) are no longer requested (and barely tolerated). His most requested food is french fries though. Not cool. His second most requested 'food' is a smoothy. He's a big fan. (Me too.)

His favorite movies are Land Before Time, Cars, Airplanes, Frozen & Toy Story. His favorite shows are Thomas, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Paw Patrol. Thankfully though we've been spending as much time outdoors as possible lately and he hasn't watched too much tv this month.

He hasn't had any illness to speak of since his birthday (that I can think of?) (knock on wood) though he did randomly vomit once last month. It was only the third time in his life it had happened (once as a baby and once in the night while he was sleeping) so he was pretty scared and didn't know what was going on but he made sure to say 'excuse me' after he did it. He's seriously the sweetest boy ever (not that I'm biased or anything). ;)

He's turning into a pretty good little friend... most of the time. He has some friends he goes to mom's co-op with on Wednesdays and he talks about them all the time! He can give you directions to all of their houses (which isn't too hard since they are all just a couple blocks away) and will request that you take him there often. He's still a big fan of the neighbor girls and get to hang out with them a lot too. He's still learning how to share but it seems to be less traumatic to have to do it. :)

He's saying more and more hilarious stuff every day........................ And I should probably come up with an example to fill in the blank here with but I guess I'm running low on sleep cause I'm blank. ;)


updated: just the other day, he pulled a chair over to the fridge. When I asked him what he was doing he said, 'cooking.' Me: 'Cooking what?' B: 'Cooking water!' (He was putting his cup up to the water dispenser inside the fridge and helping himself, thus the 'cooking' part.) 

Other fun stuff he's been up to since his 2nd bday: his first sled ride and snowman, his first KC weekend, his first LEGOland visit, his second plane ride to Arizona (he was a ring bearer in his Aunt Mal's wedding), his first official Easter egg hunt, his first tractor ride, more hair cuts, his Uncle Travis' wedding, his first Pella visit, and more.

If you follow us on instagram, you can keep up with more of the fun stuff he's into and for everyone else, I have a plan to take some two and a half year old pictures very soon! Maybe. :)

Happy half birthday, B!

Easy Guac

My cooking buddy helped me with a super easy Cinco De Mayo recipe for you guys. It's one of our favorite snacks and super fast to make. Get the two year old to help you! :)


(Sorry I couldn't get the HD version to load. My internet is bogged down with sessions uploading right now and all the neighbors changed their wifi passwords. Just kidding. Kind of.)




Easy Guac

1 avocado
2-3 spoonfuls of salsa (any kind)
garlic powder, cilantro, other seasonings to taste

Mash it up and enjoy!

obligatory family pic at Easter

When you have about 3.2 seconds to get a family picture between church and lunch, you take what you can get. ;)

Happy Easter!

running tips from a barely runner.

I hate running. Really I do. Except each day I force myself to go out and do it, I like it a little more. And when I'm running with my friends, I start to really like it. And I really do feel better after it's done (even if I'm saying I hate it just ten minutes before that).

I'm not good at it. I'm slow. I don't go far. And I always have to start the couch to 5k over after not running for awhile.

So I'm totally the last person that should be dishing out 'running tips.'

But.

If you're like me (you hate running and you consider it exercise just running up the stairs to fulfill that salted chocolate caramel craving), these tips might be a good starting point. (And my 'actual runner' friends can skip right over this post or maybe leave your own expert tips in the comments below. Just don't laugh at how pathetic I am.) :)



Here's what works for me:

1. Find two running buddies. Or ten. I find I'm a lot better at sticking to it if I have someone holding me accountable or someone counting on me. I read once you should have at least two running buddies. One that's better and faster than you, one that's not. All of mine are better/faster than me and that seems to work okay too. (If you need someone slower than you, I'm your girl!) Having a running buddy doesn't mean you don't ever run by yourself but it is handy to have someone with you for longer runs or  when you're doing a new run for the first time. ie. in week 5 of the couch to 5k, you go from doing short intervals of running to a 20 minute solid run. My friend Jen meets me for that one and doesn't let me look at the clock. My running buddies can talk to me for an entire run but don't ask me questions (I have breathing to focus on). I love it but not everyone does. Find what works for you.

2. Find the right shoe (and socks). You don't have to spend a lot of money on shoes to find good shoes. I went to Kyle's Bikes to find my shoes. They do a free gait analysis for you and pull out shoes for you to try on that are best for your foot. My sales guy got to know what I liked and didn't like and helped me find the perfect shoe for me (I'm a pain of a customer but he was awesome). I was expecting to spend over $100 and walked out just $60 (or so?) later. He didn't try to get me to spend more money and didn't give me any sale pitches. He was great. (He did talk to me about socks though and I walked out with these socks by Brooks. The tab and fabric are amazing. I hate running in anything else now!) Related: a good sports bra helps too. I found this especially important when I was breastfeeding or pregnant. This Underarmour one is my favorite. I only have one but it was worth the investment to me.

3. Start slow. Unless your name rhymes with usty icks, you probably shouldn't just go run a 5k without building up to it. That dude is always in shape and it doesn't phase him. If you're more like me and try that, you might die on the side of the road. There are some great apps for Couch to 5K programs that make it super easy to go out and run. They start by having you run 60 seconds, walking 90 seconds and you build up from there. If you struggle and want to redo a day or two, you can do that too. There's no pressure to start out running far or fast, just run.

4. Reward yourself. For me, I need an incentive to keep doing something I don't particularly love. When I started running, I truly hated it. I also hated that I didn't have any running clothes that I loved. I remedied both by treating myself to new running clothes each time I accomplished a goal. New running shoes, socks, shorts, tanks, etc were all treats along different week marks for me. You don't have to spend a lot of money on these things. Some of my favorite running clothes are from Old Navy (on sale, of course).

5. Get a race on the schedule. This totally motivates me to not give up. I need a date that I have to finish the couch to 5k by so I keep going every day. I make plans with friends to go to it as well so I know people are counting on me. It keeps me from quitting.

6. Do your research. There are all sorts of tips for making your run easier and making sure you're doing it right. Breathing/posture/etc play a huge part in your run; make sure you aren't wasting extra energy by doing it wrong. (It's seriously hard for me to keep my arms in the right position when I run so I need to remind myself of that rule often when I run.) Search for blogs/articles by real runners and you'll find all sorts of great tips.

7. Be okay with being disappointed. Last week sucked. It was windy and Monday and Wednesday were ROUGH days for me. I whined to my friend about it and she encouraged me by telling me her and her husband both had tough runs those days too. They are in way better shape than me and run way more. So knowing I wasn't the only one struggling on a bad weather day made me feel better. She's good at reminding me that everyone has tough running days and to work though it.

8. But don't stay disappointed. Go to your running buddies for encouragement (see #1 and #7). Find (or make) an inspiration board on pinterest. Just don't give up and keep moving forward.

You can totally do this!! 

i'm gonna miss this

Some days as I lay B down for nap, I can't imagine ever working outside of the home while he is little because of everything I would miss.

Like today (after we had the Bible app reading to us for background noise), he went looking for something. When I asked him what he was doing he said, "I no find Saul's donkey." (No find = can't find.)

Or this face in the mirror after saying "Nice to meet you" to the nice old man in the mirror before realizing it was just B. :) And the giggles that followed. (Who knew little boys giggled so much?)

Or when he was quizzing me on colors at the library today. When I got it right he said, "Yellow. RIGHT! Good job, mom."

And our pirate/captain hook sword fight in the kitchen today. (He let me win.)

And when he randomly belts out, "Bless the LOOOOOAAAAAD oh my SOOOOUUUL!" (Load = Lord.... we're working on that..) :)




I laid him down for nap and really couldn't imagine missing out on this stage.






Ten minutes later, I hear him yelling "Poop, mom. Poop!" into the monitor.

I go to change him and we have the 'we only go potty on the toilet, not in the diaper' talk to which he replies, (first sweetly) "Sorry" then (not so sweetly*) "NOT SORRY!!!"


These are the days.** :)







*By 'not so sweetly' I mean it sounded like a demon had taken over the little dude's body. A loud, creepy, mean demon. Yikes.

**I still totally love staying home with the little dude. It's seriously the best.***

***I support all moms. Stay at home moms. Work at home moms. Working moms. You all rock.

make it a good day.

We got a silhouette and I've been getting my monies worth by using it every. single. night. These are two of my latest ditties. Feel free to print them off if you need the reminder in your life too. ;)

except i hate running.

Once upon  a time, I went out for cross country. My cross country stint didn't last long. My friends and I were in it for the social aspect and we skipped most of our runs until the coach found out. Once she found out, she loaded us up and dropped us off out of town, forcing us to run back.

We hitch hiked.

Because I hate running.



The last few years, I've decided to start running again (literally- I have to start over every year after not running all winter) and last year I (finally) successfully ran multiple 5ks without walking. It made me feel like an actual runner. A super, incredibly slow and whiney runner. But a runner.

This year, as I started. My thought pattern was pretty much the same as it has been the last two years: 'I hate running. Why am I doing this? This is horrible. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die.'

Because I hate running.


(I should note... I ran a couple times indoors this winter and had zero of those thoughts. I actually felt great and surprised out how easy it was to start this year. I'm not an indoor runner though and when I restarted this 'spring' I started outside. It was cold. And windy. And I hate the cold and wind. More than I hate running.)


I realized I should probably stop doing something that I hate so much so I quit decided to fill in the blank:

I love running because......

Because nothing. I hate running.


(Seriously that was my first thought.)

(Okay, Heidi. You can come up with SOMETHING....)


Because... it forces me to do laundry. (I only have two pairs of running socks and three sports bras I love.)

That was all I could come up with that night. But it was a start.


After my Week 1, Day 3 run (it was a lot easier than the first two), I filled in the blank again. I actually came up with a few more this time and thought I should write them down to remind me the next time I'm complaining about how much I hate running.

I love (okay, love is a strong word... let's maybe go with tolerate) running because:

-It's (kind of) free and you can do it (almost) anywhere. (This week I ran laps around the playground while B played.)

-It's social. I love the uninterrupted time of chit chat with running buddies it affords me. And the 5ks are fun too. (Midnight Madness in Ames is one of our faves!)

-It makes me feel strong. (When I was consistently running every other day, my leg muscles were amazing.)

-I just like being able to say I can. (When I actually can just go out and run a 5k, it's a great feeling. Five years ago I don't think I ever would have thought I could do that. But now I know I can. I totally feel like it's an accomplishment.)

-Compared to other workouts, it doesn't require much planning out/thinking. You don't have to have a plan (though it helps) or think much about (in fact, I've found it's better if I DONT think about it and just do it). You just go do it. I hated sitting down to make a workout plan and thinking about arms days, legs days, etc. (I know I probably should still do that anyway but I hate it more than I hate running so I don't.)

-It's a great way to spend time outdoors.


Typically by the end of the summer, I'll be able to remember some other things about running. I just wanted this list to get me started.

Because for someone that hates running (me), starting is the hardest part.

Any newbie (or not) runners out there that want to start a 'remote running club' with me? I feel like it's hard to meet up with too many of my runner friends since we don't live super close but it'd be fun to have a (private of course) facebook group where we all checked in and held each other accountable, planned 5k outings together and even... meet up for runs. Let me know if you want to join me! And if you haven't ran for 10 years.. you can join too. In fact, you totally should join. Seriously. Go download the Couch to 5K app and get going!!! :)

malory and shawn

We got to spend last week in Arizona with family to celebrate 'aunt Mal's' (R's sister) wedding! It was beautiful weather and an awesome time with family. I was super honored to get to stand up next to my sister-in-law as she married her best friend. Being a bridesmaid also meant I was able to relax and focus on the bride without worrying about taking too many pictures. Awesome for having a great time but a bummer for the pictures I have to share with you cause it's pretty choppy. These pictures don't tell the full story of the day but Nia (the awesome photographer and a great friend of a friend whom I adore) got some awesome shots and we'll get to see those later. In the meantime, here's a few shots I was able to get in between hanging out with the bride and worrying about a certain ring bearer making it down the aisle. Thanks for an awesome time, Mr. & Mrs. Smith. We are so happy for you guys and love you so much!!

P.S. Ring Bearer #2 did surprisingly well strutting down the aisle and even sat quiet and (mostly) still in the front for the entire wedding. Whew! (We wont discuss how he did for pics though.....) ;)

the post i wanted to title what not to say

I had a post titled 'what not to say' saved as a draft in blogger for quite awhile. I wanted to share with you a list of things not to say when someone is grieving/depressed/sick/going through a rough time. I probably would have topped the list with never tell someone who miscarried to be thankful for their other children. Because they aren't spare tires. But I didn't.

Instead. I want to share with you how to love on someone that needs it. Because my friends have done an awesome job of just that.

Some awesome ways we have felt loved on during these past 14 months:

1. Listen to them. Bring them salted caramel hot chocolate and just let them talk. Even if they've told you the story before, let them tell it again. It's part of the healing process.

2. Send them a card. It's okay to not know what to say. You don't have to say anything. Just let them know you are thinking of them. A lot of people told me they were sorry, they loved me, they ached with me or just that they didn't know what to say. All of those were the perfect thing to say because they let me know they were thinking of me and hurting with me. As much as I was hurt by some of the rude things people said to me, I was just as hurt by people I thought were my friends that blew me off.

3. Send them a surprise. I seemed to have happy mail arrive at just the right times. Each piece of happy mail was a total God thing and just when I needed it the most. Jewelry with Avery's (and Beckett's) initials, an ornament with Avery's name on it, a tiny memorial blanket, flowers, target gift card, candy, cookies, donuts, finger nail polish, clothes, jewelry, etc- special treats my friends knew I would love- all were so special to me. I felt so spoiled and loved.

4. Bring them a meal. Avery's labor was much more intense than Beckett's (not the delivery, just the labor). It took a toll on my body. Pair that with the post miscarriage infection and the too sick and tired and bummed to get out of bed feeling and the thought of making dinner for my family was daunting some nights. Each and every meal was so appreciated by me but it was also a great way for people to love on my boys.

5. Do something nice for dad (and any older siblings too). R reminds me- what happens to me, happens to him. It's easy for me to forget that so I know everyone else does too. It's been a tough 14 months for all of us and though my boys have been troopers, I know they've needed the pick me ups just as much as I have.

6. Send them $150 anonymously. Okay I'm totally kidding, you don't have to do that. But someone did for us. They sent us a card and $150 cash in the mail. They said it was their Christmas money and they wanted to bless us with it. It was simply signed, 'a friend' and the post mark was smudged so we don't even know what state it was from. I was stunned. I couldn't believe that anyone would do something so nice for us. It was a completely radical way to love on us. I felt like it was a total God thing and it gave me so much hope for good things to come. I sat on it for quite awhile, not sure how to spend it. I ended up using a little of it to buy a set of stacking rings (with Avery & Beckett's names) then held on to the rest. I considered buying something for our home that I could look at and remember her by. I considered using it towards her $600 dr bill. In the end, I got on facebook and clicked every single page asking for money that night and started donating away. Avery's memory gave to people fighting cancer, a family that lost their home, a woman whose husband had been killed, a lady that had suffered domestic assault, and more. It wasn't much for each page but it was a lot. I hope each of those people that we were able to love on with Avery's money felt just as loved as we did and I hope it gave them the same peace and hope that it gave us.

7. Pray for them. And let them know it. My most favorite thing the month of January was daily texts from friends letting me know they were praying for me. Those prayers got me through a lot of hard days. When I was crazy hormonal and puking my guts out in pain, those prayer texts came at just the right time. (And emails and facebook messages, etc.)

8. Give them grace. Chances are they are already beating themselves up for not being a better friend, for not sending a thank you, or for just being...... whatever it is they are feeling. Forgive them for hiding away and being anti-social. Forgive them for not sending out a timely thank you note. Chances are they are more appreciative for you than they know how to tell you. Give them grace.

9. Love them. Just do.


My counselor asked me how I would describe December 23rd in my life. 'Was it just a blip on the roadmap of life or what was it to you?' he asked. I sat and thought about it for awhile before I realized it was a blessing. Maybe not December 23rd per say, but everything leading up to and everything following has shown us just how much God loves us. God gives. God takes away. And He gives. Our friends have shown us in a very tangible way, God's love for us. He's used them to bless us, to love us. He's used this to strengthen relationships, to soften our hearts. He's blessed us beyond measure and He is good.

Psalm 147:3

Thanks for loving on us, friends.


Sidenote: I found/have been sent some interesting posts related to this. I'm posting them here in case I need them (hopefully not) in the future:
-Why Miscarriage Matters
-36 Things To Do For Those in Grief
-What not to say

And then there's this:
-The Truth Behind Love You Forever