I study the colors of the afghan that for so many years covered the back of her chair. When I was younger, she let me snuggle up in the afghan on special occasion. As I grew, the afghan stayed in its safe place, protecting it from more wear and tear on its already intricately and carefully pieced together parts. As her body started to fail her, she asked me to wrap it around her. I gingerly did so in bittersweet servanthood. She was known for her beautiful quilting but for me, the old and worn afghan holds more memories. The colors would look lovely in my daughter's room, I decide. The first (and only) nursery decision to date. I think about raising a daughter and all the time she spent raising me. The secrets we shared and the many, many hours she spent teaching me about life. Growing up, it's likely I spent more time with her than any other single person. She very likely had the biggest influence on me. I can attribute much of me to her. My need for memory keeping included. One of our secrets was the hundred dollar bills she hid behind my pictures in the photo album she kept by her chair. She said I would be the one to find them as I was spent the most time going through old photos with her over and over again. We worked on family albums together. Meticulously sorting and labeling pictures and joyfully thumbing through the pages of our work. I thumb through those same pages today. Thankful for the days we shared but longing for just one more. I have so many questions, especially as I think about becoming a mom to a daughter. I wonder what she would think of all this mess. I feel fear and sadness creep in as the memories start to fade. And then I see her. And then the afghan. In picture after picture draped over chairs and couches, some of which I don't recognize. The earliest of the pictures (as far as I can tell) is nearly half a century old. If this well loved afghan can stand the test of time, surely grandma's lessons will.
The above post was written several weeks back in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep and was thumbing through those old albums on our closet floor thinking about grandma. Since then, we've chosen a name for our little girl- a nod towards grandma, and this week we made progress on her room where we hope to incorporate the meaning behind her name…. and the afghan.
(The above pic was taken at night with the iPhone… I'll get in there with the real camera during the daytime soon. Maybe.) ;)
