Wednesdays

I'm not sure there's a perfect balance of work/life once you become a mom. There's no special formula and definitely not just one answer. I LOVE staying home with B but hate working till midnight once he goes to sleep. I am so thankful for the flexible work schedule I have and know I have it pretty good, but I'm not sure it will ever feel 'perfect.' It's kind of like a baby's (and toddler's for that matter!) schedule... as soon as you get them figured out, they've moved on to something else to switch things up on you. I have a feeling my work schedule will continue to evolve as B grows and our needs change.

That said- we have a pretty great set up right now. As he started napping less and less through the summer, it became apparent I was going to need a chunk of time other than bedtime that I could get some work done. After a lot of consideration, we decided to put B in daycare one morning a week. He goes Wednesday mornings till 1pm and it's a great time for him. He plays with other kids, follows someone else's schedule, has to obey another adult, eats lunch with his peers, and just has a great time. He gives me a play by play of what goes on and he's always excited to go back.

I wasn't sure how it would go over..... the first week I asked him if he had fun. He wouldn't answer me in front of his teacher but as we got home and I asked him again he said, 'yeah.... but I just really missed you mommy!!' He gave me a hug I thought would last forever as the tears welled up in his eyes. My mama heart was pretty sad for him. His daddy told us we were both softies and to suck it up. ;) The next week after we got home I asked him again if he had fun. This time he said, 'Oh yeah!!!!' I asked if he missed me, his response- 'NOOOPE!' Oh how quickly they grow up. :)

Overall it's been a great addition to his schedule and he's doing well there.

Things are going great here on Wednesday mornings as well. ;)

I'm able to get caught up on some editing and am hoping that this winter as work slows down I'll be able to actually stay caught up on emails and keeping our house clean. (Emphasis on the 'hoping.') I typically play a sermon from Elevation Church in the background (which I'm not able to otherwise when I'm editing because there's always someone around vying for my attention) or (if we're being real here) the previous night's episode of 'Dance Mom's.' My sessions this week were rescheduled due to the rain (darn rain) and I even had time to sneak in a non-interrupted shower (and this blog post) today.

Yes, I totally love being home with B and I am SO thankful for my work schedule that allows me to do so, but this is a nice change for our family too. B is thriving and growing and his mama is trying to grow along side him.


Please don't talk to me about kindergarten.

cost of staying home (part two)

In case you missed it, I recently blogged about the financial costs of staying home. After posting, my friend Mary sent me a link to this great post talking about the same topic. Check it out if you are interested.  And just for good measure- go read the disclaimers on that last post. They apply here as well. (I love y'all- working outside the home or in- whatever your choice, I think you're awesome!)



Today I'm going to talk a little about the other costs of staying home- mainly the emotional costs.



Remember that special breakfast we got to go out for the other day? Well opening bills on the car ride there sparked the conversation about me returning to my old job but there's more to the story....

When we arrived there was a crowd. I went to check in and recognized the hostess right away as a former student. I did what I typically do when meeting a former student... I do the friendly smile and the extra friendly hello. You know the one- that's friendly enough that they know you recognize them but not so friendly it forces them to talk to you. (I've always just left it up to the kids to approach me if they want to... not every kid enjoys running into their old teachers.) She doesn't recognize me right away but as I check in and say my first name she says, "Wait. Are you? Were you? You were my teacher!!"

What followed was a conversation I hope I won't ever forget. I'll spare you the details but in short she explained to me what her year was like the year I had her and how much I meant to her. She ended the conversation by saying, "I didn't want to get all emotional.... but I just wanted to say thank you."
R, B & I then enjoyed our breakfast and later on our way out the door she just said again that she wanted to tell me what a great teacher I am. "What a great teacher you are."

She reminded me that I still am.


And so ensued my tally sheet of the emotional and other costs (and benefits) of staying home.


Other costs of working from/staying home:

-The students. I miss the feeling of feeling like I've done a little something to change a life for the better. I do love getting emails and notes from students and running into students that stop and chat. But it's not the same.
-Adult interaction. It's tough to stay in touch with coworkers when you don't see each other regularly and you have less to talk about.
-Professional fulfillment from teaching. Don't get me wrong- I love photography and respect the profession. I in no way shape or form would want to say that photography is an easy job- because it is not. That being said, there's something to say about dressing up and getting out of the house for work everyday as opposed to working at the computer in pajamas (which is 80% of the job... the computer part that is, not the pajamas). I LOVE taking pictures and working with clients, I just don't think I was meant for a desk job.
-Other friendships have taken a hit. This was the most surprising side affect of staying home. My schedule is different now- I work in the evenings and weekends when my husband (and the rest of my friends) are typically off work. It puts a strain on the getting together with friends schedule. Sometimes I also feel like my days mostly revolve around researching toddler meal plans and changing poop filled diapers. I feel like I don't have a lot to bring to the discussion when getting together with my old friends. I know relationships change as we go through life changes but this hit has been a hard one for me to take. Add on the hormonal effects pregnancy, breastfeeding & weaning have had on my body and I've had plenty of hot mess days. (How's that for a friend request? Ha.)
-Retirement. The years I'm staying home are not counting towards my retirement. They aren't counting towards my seniority or any other perk of tenure employment. To be honest, I don't really know what those other perks are...... do you get a watch after 25 years, maybe?
-Socialization for B. R & I often talk about ways we can help B have more social opportunities if I get to stay home with him until he is in school. For now his socialization comes from church nursery, playdates with friends, library trips and other outings. I'm not sure this should even go in the 'costs' category because I do think he'll have plenty of social opportunities but I didn't want to leave it out of the discussion completely.
-Days off. I love, love, LOVE my little guy and I would never want him to think he's a burden. But..... he is a toddler. And while he was an awesome baby and is a great toddler, he still has his moments. He has tough days and throws crying fits that have made me want to join him. It's easier now knowing R will be home to relieve me but during basketball season when I knew there were usually 4 days a week that B rarely even saw his dad, it was wearing.


Benefits to working from/staying home:

-Sleeping in. I'm not going to lie. I'm a night owl and am the most awake late at night but I NEED my sleep. I am a bear without it. (Seriously, I'm talking 8 hours here.) My typical sleep schedule is midnight to 8 am right now. I'd never be able to sleep in till 8 if I worked outside the home. It's a perk that doesn't go unnoticed by B either. I cant think of a time that I've ever had to wake a sleeping baby. (And we all know well rested babies = happy babies, and happy babies = happy mamas.)
-Time during the day to run errands when the rest of the world is working and the lines are short. If you've ever been to the grocery store at the end of the work day you know what I'm talking about.
-Middle of the day perks. Same as above. I can get B into the Dr's office early in the morning (the best time of day to schedule Dr's appointments). I can eat out at the lunch special prices if I want. I don't have to wait in line to vote. Etc. Etc.
-Not missing milestones. I've said it before- I've worked the daycare circuit and I know the good providers wont tell you if you missed your baby's first steps. I've seen so many kid's reach milestones before their parents witnessed them and I knew way back then that I didn't want to be on the receiving end of the provider saying "Oh he'll be walking ANY time now!"
-We miss the morning rush. Okay I admit... we have a tough time getting us all ready and out the door on time on Sunday mornings. We're chronically late for church. I'm sure we could get better with practice but it's nice to not have to rush out the door M-F.
-Fewer sick days. I'm just adding this because I know it will come up in conversation. B avoiding daycare means he's not catching daycare bugs forcing R or I to take off work and stay home with him. B did get mildly sick almost every week after we started putting him in the church nursery and he also got really sick around Christmas after being around a lot of people but otherwise he's been pretty healthy. That being said- he's not building the same immune system as his daycare counterparts and the bugs he's missing out on now will surely follow him home from pre-k or kindergarten.
-Guaranteed consistent and nurturing care. I know my son will be learning at his own pace and be provided with stimulating activities/projects. I know he'll be loved and cared about. While there are A LOT of quality daycare providers that can do that, I'm glad I'm not currently looking for one. I've worked in centers; I've helped with in homes; I've been a nanny. I know the perks and disadvantages to each and I still don't know what I would choose. I think having a deeper understanding of each scenario makes it more difficult to choose because the list of things a perfect daycare would have just becomes longer. I know if we eventually choose to put B in daycare that it will be difficult to whittle down that list and see what compromises I'm willing to make.
-Time with my growing boy. I'll never get these years back. When I think about the 4/5 pre-kindergarten years it seems long and fleeting all at the same time. I guess it's a lot like high school or college. As a freshman ready to move on, graduation seems SO far away but looking back those years went fast and there's been plenty of times I'd love to have them back.
I'll never, never, ever get these years back and I don't want to miss out on them!




All that said, it's a very personal choice. It's a tough choice. And there's no right answer that works for every one.

I have a lot of friends that have told me they are better moms when they are able to get out for work and I get that. (Oh I get that.) What about you? Working outside the home or in, were there other factors you considered? What helped you know you made the right decision for you? 



 I would be lying if I said I've never questioned our our choice (I have). I would be lying if I said there weren't days I wish I could walk back into my classroom and find my 'old normal' again.

But I'd know the truth. My 'old normal' wouldn't feel normal at all. 

The fabric of my being changed when I became a mom and I just knew. I knew I didn't want to miss out on all of this. I knew I didn't want to miss the extra snuggles, kisses, and laughter that comes with this job.
And when my baby boy runs up to me for the 1,273rd unsolicited hug and kiss of the day, I know I made the right decision for us.

cost of 'staying home' part one

Disclaimers:
-I'm hesitant to use the words 'staying home' in the title because what I really do is work from home. I work full time hours for my photography business and I work full time hours as a mom. When I'm being honest, it irritates me when people say, "Oh so you just stay home?" I want to say, "JUST?" I wonder why it's considered work for the daycare provider if I were to drop him off with them but it's not considered work when I do it myself. I wish moms- staying home, working from home, working outside the home, or otherwise, could just ban together and stop tearing each other down. But I suppose that's a post for another day.
-This post is real about feelings (obviously; see above) and finances. If that bothers you, you should turn away now.
-This post doesn't talk about the emotional costs of working outside the home vs. working from home. (That will come in part two.)
-This post is about what is working for us. It's not the answer for everyone or every situation. It's not meant to persuade you one way or the other or to judge you for choosing one way over another. It's only meant to give you my perspective and encourage you to look at all sides of the picture before making a the decision that's best for you and your family.



We went out for breakfast the other day at one of my favorite places. It was a rare treat; I think it'd been five years since our last visit. These days going out to eat happens less and less and this time it almost didn't happen at all. On the way to breakfast I was opening the mail. We received a notice that the insurance (for just B & I- R not included) was going up to over $550 a month. Ouch. My first thought, as it often is these days, was that I needed to 'go back to work.' (Again, just so we are completely clear- I do work and would consider myself working even if I didn't have the full-time photography business. Am I sounding defensive yet?)  ;)
I do miss my old job. I miss my co-workers. I miss the students. I miss the classroom. I miss the feeling of changing lives. And when I'm being honest, I miss the paycheck. Somedays I miss work so much that it's all I can do to keep myself from moving back into my classroom. On those days, I take one look at B and remember why I'm not there. I'm quickly brought back to my reality (that I love).
But I'm getting ahead of myself.

As I was trying to make the decision to take a leave from teaching, I searched the web for a post just like this one. I couldn't find it anywhere so I hope it helps you if you find yourself in the position I was in. While I knew the costs for working from home and working outside the home would be different, I wasn't exactly sure of how that would translate. Here's what it looks like for us.


Costs if I were teaching:
-Individual insurance for B (both R & I would have ours covered through work)- approximately $270 (This is a guesstimate using R's +1 at work. I'm not sure what it would be through my school.)
-Daycare- approximately $575/month (this is the low end of our daycare options we looked at)
-Extra gas- $112 (I used the AAA fuel calculator to figure this but when I looked at my extra miles and our mpg, it comes out to the same.)


Financial costs if I work from home:
-Insurance for B & I- $550/month (This is a middle of the road plan that does not cover maternity costs. If we were wanting to have another child, I would need to move to a different plan before becoming pregnant. Which is why we absolutely cannot afford another child right now. Ugh.)*

As you can see, that's a $407 difference. For my purposes, I took my paycheck and subtracted the $407 from my take home pay to see what my 'new wages' would be. The remaining income was just $400/month more than what I make working from home.**

$400/month is not enough money for me to miss out on all of B's major milestones. I worked day care long enough to know that good daycare providers do not tell you that you missed your baby's first steps. I would easily pay $400/month to get those mid morning snuggles with B and to watch him learn how to build with blocks. When he said his first words after waking up from a nap one day, I was ecstatic to pay $400/month to be the one to pick him up out of that crib. $400/month to see him chase the dog and pull on his tail? You bet I'd pay that.


That being said, everyone's situation is different. Your costs are likely different and possibly include other things not listed here. I could have added in clothing costs (because if I were to need enough clothes to look presentable 6 days of the week instead of just a couple, I would have had to purchase all new clothes (twice) since B was born). We should also be setting money aside each month for me to take a future maternity leave. We aren't currently doing that but if we were, I would add that to a cost from working at home. If you were to run the heat more during the day if you were home (we don't), that could be an added cost. If you eat lunch out while you're working that's something to consider. My point- there are more factors to think about than 'just the basics.'


I will leave you with this.... when R & I were first married, I remember listening to a radio broadcast about marriage and raising a family (I think it may have been a family first broadcast though I'm not sure). He recommended that if you plan to stay home in the future with your children that it would be wise to not currently work outside of the home. His reasoning was that you will become accustomed to your dual incomes and upon having a baby would switch to a single income- leaving you with half as much money in the time of your life that you'll need more money than before. At the time I thought that was ridiculous. (And in retrospect, I'm glad I continued working until B was born- we were able to finish a lot of house projects and take some trips that we would not have been able to otherwise. We had money in savings so I was able to take somewhat of a maternity leave. I also cant imagine waiting four years to get pregnant and to not be working during that time. Yikes.) I still think it's a little far fetched that we would have gone that route but.... before B was born we did have a lot more income. R had a full-time job and two part-time jobs. I had two full-time jobs and a handful of part-time jobs (at one point I was literally getting paychecks from 6 different sources). When we got our taxes back this year, we found that we made $50,000 less this year than we did two years ago. While that's obviously more than $400/month, there is no way we would have the time to be parents and to continue working as many jobs as we once were. So while I am thankful I didn't completely stop working five years ago, I do think we could have worked less. Because a $50,000/year cut is a noticeable difference in this house.


But you know, I think I'd pay $50,000/year to be B's full-time mama anyway.




*If you continue to ask when B will be a big brother, I will request that you put money in our saving for future maternity costs and/or adoption fund. You've been warned. ;)

**That's a projection. Since I don't make hourly wage it's hard to predict how much I'll make a month. Through the winter when it's tough to book sessions, the difference is greater. Through the summer, it's less. We do our best to pay me a monthly check that is about the same each month and we trust that God will continue to provide and meet our basic needs. So far He's never let us down. :)

From The Desk Of

It's a desk day today. The newborn I was supposed to be shooting this morning is sick so we had to reschedule. No morning session means lots of work from the desk. After uploading a ton of pictures from this weekend's wedding, my computer started running slow(er than I'm used to). I already spend enough time in photoshop as it is so I really need it to work super fast for me. Thus, the process of clearing this puppy off started.

I currently have a hard drive hooked up that is clearing of tens of thousands of photos and I've started the process of deleting about as many. Thats a big process!

While I'm working on it... I'm finding some oldies but goodies and some that I set aside for the blog that never made it.

This folder, "from the desk of," is one of those folders I had long since forgotten about.

These are pictures that I took from my desk somewhere around the end of the school year. I rotate through quotes/scriptures but some of these made the cut and stayed a really long time. Some I prayed, and prayed, and prayed again over. And some helped me through some not so easy days. It was a little tough to tear the tape off of them and take them down.

I never got around to the week of blog posts I had planned to talk about some of them so I'm just going to post them all here for my own sake of remembering.

Back to School

Today is the first day of school for a lot of my favorite teachers. And my first year of not back to school in a quarter century. I'm not sure I could ever get my feelings about that into a post so don't worry, that's not what this one is about.

In fact, when I woke up at 4:30 am not able to sleep, it wasn't that I was thinking about. I was thinking about R and his first day back with new kids today. It will be a different year for him. With the new building and grade shifting, he has two groups of new kids this year instead of his typical one new group. The new group is a third grade group. (Have you hung out with a third grader lately? Those guys are little!)

It will be a different year for him but I know it will be a great year for him. He is the best teacher I know- which is saying a lot because I know a ton of really great teachers and, well, he's a PE teacher. (Oh come on, I know you were thinking it too. We all know how everyone feels about PE teachers.)

He really is good though. He cares about his students but he's their teacher first, not their friend. He has high expectations of them, and they rise to the occasion. He teaches them to live healthy lives. He works to help them grow into better people, not just better 'athletes.' He (and his wife) pray for his kids.

To be real honest, PE was not my strong suite growing up. And PE (and a lot of the PE teachers) never had a good rep with me. (My own PE teacher didn't make me participate, he had me grade papers for his other classes. Classmates in college going for PE begged me to do their homework.) However, R has really changed my mind about PE teachers and the class. He works hard at what he does and really does care. He really is the best teacher I know.

I pray that R (and all the other teachers!) have an awesome year back this year. I pray that they have good rosters, productive professional development and administrators making wise decisions for their students. I pray that they spend this year connecting with their students and helping them to grow into better people. I pray that it's an awesome year for all of them!- I know it will be for R! (How can it not be? He's already had home cooked meals from the PW cookbook this school year- that would not have happened in previous first weeks back. And he gets an extra week vacation to hang out with me and the little guy.)

Happy School Year!

Open Doors

He is good. He has opened doors for us that we didn't know existed. While I love the fall, I'm already looking forward to spring. And walking through some big doors.

First Days

These chairs are empty.... at least until tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be my 6th First Day. I know, I don't believe it either. I look far too young to have graduated from college that long ago. But it's true. This will be my 6th year of teaching. We've had a lot of changes (upsets really) at our school for this year. We've lost some incredibly great teachers and some have been cut to part time in our building. My to do list to prepare for this year was 3 times as long as it normally is. We have a challenging year ahead. As I prepare for the 150+ students that will be in my classroom tomorrow, I praise God that He'll be there too. And He'll be 'honking' for me. (If that doesn't make sense to you, you'll have to ask me all about what I learned at professional development this week...... I'm sure you'll be glad you asked.) ; )

To all my teacher friends, I'll be praying that you have a great first day and an even better year!!!

Lots and Lots

I have lots and lots of updating to do. I haven't even posted a picture on the Hickstionary in forever way too long. So hopefully before the busy weekend I'll get a chance to get caught up around here.

Starting with Mo.

Can you believe she'll be FIVE this month? I cant. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

She came for her 5 year pictures and did a fantastic job. She's such a sweetie!

She even had her own ideas about where and how she wanted to do her photos. "You know, Heidi. I was thinking we should do my pictures down by the big jungle and the treasure." (Remember our treasure hunt from last time?) :) And she's full of unsolicited poses. At one point I asked her why she had her hand in front of her face (she was pulling at her mouth). She said, "I'm trying to make it a BIGGER smile!" :) So definitely check out her pictures. She's a doll. I may be a little biased but I think you'll agree.

Not much of an update on Dakota. He's been out of his kennel for a few months now and he loves it. So far he hasn't messed a single thing up being out (not that he ever did before) so it may be time to officially retire the kennel. He doesn't even go into it on his own anymore like he used to. He's still not so sure about all of these people at our house and he's definitely not sure about all the cute puppies that have been around. Especially the one next door that gets way more attention then he does. We are trying to decide if he is bike ride trainable. I got a new bike so R & I have been going for lots of rides. So far we haven't taken Dakota along. Poor guy!

R & I have been staying super busy with work. {captured by} heidi has taken off 100x bigger than I ever dreamed. I've exceeded my original goals and am now set on bigger sights. God is good. R has been working with the basketball program and for his friend Nick. I'm working on a little page for them. Check it out: West Central Tree Service. (And call them- unless you have a neighbor with a hitch and a video camera for youtube!) ;)

We've been trying to get as much sun and fun in as we can. Hopefully I'll remember to take some fun pictures of this weekend. Happy 4th!

Sing Sing Sing!

To say this has been a crazy week (okay, month), would be a gross understatement.

But.

As I was walking into work, thankful for a Friday, I was determined to choose joy. I was singing His praises.

Then.

I got an unexpected piece of information within minutes of walking in the door.

"My God is still the same God as he was before."

But I had a really bad attitude anyway.

I'm so thankful for friends that have weathered this storm with me this month (and continue to do so). And put up with my bad attitude.

And I'm so thankful for His new graces everyday. And His unending love for me. Even with said bad attitude.

For that, I can sing.

(You know, after spending the last 7+ hours with lots of great people!)