Yours

Does God ever beat you over the head with repeatedly share a lesson with you (or are you a faster learner than I am)?


I'm stubborn. I like control. I like plans.


And I'm a slow learner.




With that combination, as you can imagine, God 'hits me up side the head' plenty.

Often times a verse will follow me around for days, weeks even, until I take action.





I recently typed in B's baby book, 'We are so blessed to call you ours.'

Even as I typed it I knew it wasn't true. Not really.


Not Beckett, not this house that my husband built, not the reliable car that he bought me to drive, not a single thing we hold on to.


None of it is ours.






This beautiful devotion really spoke to me today. At first because that is us. We are the family that is being blessed over and over again right now. God is using friends and family to provide for us in so many ways.

And then, in closing, she says,


'Lord teach me to treat all I have as Yours.'


Yes, last night I told Rusty, "Okay. You can sell the house. I know it's not ours. I know it's just a 'thing' and a so very temporary thing at that. I know it doesn't matter where we live. I know it's really His anyway and I know He will provide."





And then I went and hugged the kitchen sink.....




Like I said... I'm a slow, slow learner.



I'm so appreciating all of your prayers during this time of refinement. Love to you guys!

Friday

Good Friday that is.


Yesterday as I was driving home from the Dr, I passed the Jesus billboard. Have you seen the one I'm talking about? With Jesus nailed to the cross? I've seen it before but for some reason as I drove by yesterday I felt a sting in the palms of my hands and an ache in the pit of my stomach. The coming down a hill on a roller coaster ache.

As I read this devotion this morning, the pain in the palms of my hands returned. The hurt in the pit of my stomach came back.

It's not comfortable seeing and hearing the truth- I can't imagine the actual pain He must have felt for us.



As I sit at the dining room table working on scheduling and input, life is comfortable. I just read the Good Friday story to B (though he didn't quite sit and listen the whole time)

 and laid him down for a nap. The window is open and it sounds like spring outside. Easter baskets lay around the house and eggs sit waiting to be filled. I'm thankful for this weekend and all that it means.

I'm thankful that He went to the cross on good Friday and suffered so that we can celebrate His life and ourselves can live life eternally. Thank you Jesus for the cross.




*B's devotional is Sheila Walsh's  Goodnight Warrior (a gift from his Aunt).

are you?

I woke up around 3 am. I'm still awake. I cant sleep and one thing keeps playing through my mind.

I messed up last night.



Ugh. I hate that feeling.

I love being given a task and I love the feeling of successfully scratching it off my neat and tidy 'to do' list. (Okay fine. If we're being completely honest tonight, there are multiple to do lists. They are anything but neat and tidy and sometimes I add things I've already done to them just so I have more things to cross off. But I digress.)

I love being given a task, so on Sunday when Pastor Troy gave us a homework assignment, I was up for the challenge.

It seemed easy enough upon first hearing it; ask one person this week if they are going to heaven or hell.

But then he asked us to think of someone rightthereonthespot and write their name down.

I froze.


I wasn't sure.

I ran through the short list of people I would actually have interaction with this week. I was pretty confident all of them were believers and would answer with confidence that they are going to heaven. I know pretty sure isn't completely sure, but I was sure enough that none of them made the list (sorry friends I'm seeing this week- if you aren't sure if you are going to heaven, will you please let me know!?!).


So I prayed. I asked God to put someone in my path this week and make it clear to me that I was supposed to minister to them. I knew it was a long shot because I didn't have a whole lot of plans of leaving the house this week and the act might take God actually sending someone to knock on my door. The thought of Him doing something like that was a long shot. Laughable really. (You see where this is going, right?)




Fast forward to last night. It was date night. R & I set off on our monthly adventure while the little man had adventures of his own with grandma. I had (admittedly) forgotten about the homework assignment and was excited for a basketball free night out with the husband. The night went great (more on that later. ha) and even though we were running late getting back, we decided to make a quick stop at Wal-Mart to grab the last minute missing ingredient for my Valentines treats. I don't know why we chose Wal-Mart. I swore off ever going to the Ankeny Wal-Mart again when I was 9 months pregnant with B. I'm not a Wal-Mart hater, I just don't like that one. So when it was my idea to stop there for butter (when we had plenty of other butter buying options), I should have known something was up.

We bought our butter (and okay, a couple other things) and headed out the door. We had made it in and out of store #892 with no major snags. Success!

And then I saw the cop cars.

They were parked around the front of the store and I just knew one of them was there to talk to us. I did a quick memory scan trying to think of anything or any reason why they might be there for us. Did we mess something up at self-checkout? Had I put my cell phone in my pocket and they thought I was stealing something? (Am I the only one that thinks of this crazy thing!?!) Okay the idea was crazy for even me. I shook it off and got in the car ready to go see our little Valentine at home.

It took forever to get out of the parking spot. We sat there for quite awhile. And sat. and sat. and sat.

Until....

You guessed it.


Someone knocked on the car door.


"Excuse me. I'm not trying to bother you guys but do you have any money? I'm homeless. I live in a tent." 


Uhhhh.... I look at R and wait for him to respond. He looks at me waiting for me to respond.

And we freeze.




Now here's the thing. When we are on vacation we like to explore the city we are visiting. Doing so often leaves us in questionable areas where requests like this are common and frequent. We purposefully carry small bills around so we are prepared to 'pay them off' so they leave us alone and we can be on our way.

But here. In the parking lot of store #892, we're caught off guard.

 I finally respond.


"Well sir, sure. Let's go over to McDonalds and get you a meal."


He replies, "I just really want to go in and get some hamburgers and buns for $8.89."

And R replies, "Sorry, sir we don't have any cash."


Pause.


Right there. That's when I messed up.


I could have suggested we go in and grocery shop with him. We could have used that time to talk to him and get to know him. After talking to him, we could have easily asked him if he was going to heaven. If he knew for sure. How he knew? I could have easily crossed that homework assignment off my neat and tidy to do list.

But I didn't.

I watched as the man walked away.


I wasn't sure what to say.

So I didn't.



Before I realized what was going on, another man was knocking on our door. This time it was a police officer. He was questioning us about the man. They had received complaints about him and wanted to know what our interaction with him entailed.

I should have spoke up. I should have said he was hungry and we didn't feed him. I should have said you know what, we'll take him inside and get him some food so he can leave well fed and not 'bother' anyone else tonight. I should have.

But I didn't.



As we were driving home, R knew I was beating myself up about it. He told me I couldn't do that. We tried to make excuses for our behavior; 'if he was really hungry, he would have taken the offer for a McDonald's meal, right?' 'well he didn't want the meal so he must just have wanted the money for who knows what.' 'if he really lives in a tent what would he need with hamburgers? where would he cook them?' and on and on.

(Oh and for the record- R kindly pointed out to me that he could in fact have a grill for his hamburgers. Doh.)


But in the end our excuses weren't cutting it and the truth remains.


I messed up.


I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit. I didn't act on the opportunity. I didn't complete my homework.



I had prayed for God to put someone in my path. He did so in a very clear way yet I chose to ignore it.


Have you ever prayed for something then when given the opportunity for it, not grasped hold?

If you've ever prayed for patience, maybe you know what I'm talking about. :)


Life isn't a neat and tidy to do list. It's not about completing tasks just to cross them off the list but only if they don't require me to step out of my comfort zone.


Tonight I'm praying for forgiveness. I'm praying for grace. I'm praying for courage. I'm praying for another chance.

And I'm praying that I'll trust God this time around.




Finally, I promise I wont use this as my easy out to crossing off an item on my to do list... but what about you? Are you going to heaven or hell? I'd love to hear your answer and I'd love to hear your 'why.' Come knock on my door so we can chat. Or you know, shoot me an email. :)


Hold Fast, friends!

And Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Scandal of Grace

Grace. What have you done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood

Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live

Oh to be like You
(To) Give all I have just to know You
Jesus there's no one besides You
Forever the Hope in my heart

Death. Where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
In mercy, my heart now to sing

The day and it's trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live


Oh to be like You
(To) Give all I have just to know You
Jesus there's no one besides You
Forever the Hope in my heart

And it's all because of You, Jesus
It's all because of You, Jesus
It's all because of Your love
And my soul will live


Oh to be like You
(To) Give all I have just to know You
Jesus there's no one besides You
Forever the Hope in my heart

Oh to be like You
(To) Give all I have just to know You
Jesus there's no one besides You
Forever the Hope in my heart

Questions and Truth

Oh boy do I have a lot of questions.



Why do I have so many friends battling disease?

Why do so many people I love have to wait? (And wait so long?)

How can a sweet little boy really have cancer?

How can a family prepare to say goodbye to their sweet baby?






I just don't get it.


I have a lot of questions.



I've been wrestling with God over these questions.

I've been questioning my faith. And my God walk. And wondering how someone could send me an email to tell me I am such an inspiration to them when I felt so far away from God and felt like I had so little faith left.

But the questions- the unanswered questions- that's what faith is, isn't it?

Not having all the answers to the questions. 



Not having all the answers to the questions. and just believing.

Believing. And trusting.


And leaning on the truth.


And I realized that these questions are okay to ask. But I may not ever get the answers I want this side of heaven.


And with faith, that's okay.


I just have to keep leaning on the truth.



Truth:



'God comforts the broken hearted.'

'He gives strength to the weary.'

'Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.'

'The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.'

'He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.'

'I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and hope.'


HOPE.







PS-
Loved this truth from Ann's blog today:

You may wrestle, but in Him you have won. You may regret, but in Him you will rise. You may suffer, but in Him you are secure. You may no longer be free to live the easy way, but you will be free to the liberty of doing everything for love. 

Forever Reign | Hillsong

'You are good, You are good
when there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world
forever reign.'

You are more, You are more
than my words will ever say....'

Checking In

I think my New Year's post is scheduled to go up early tomorrow but I thought I'd check in with a quick update before that.

Since my last post, R & I have both had a stomach bug and B has some sort of something going on that we aren't really sure what it is (swollen face, hands & feet; goopy eyes; red splotchy skin). It doesn't seem to be bothering him and two Drs have said he's likely still fighting off something viral and to let it run it's course so for now we're still hanging out in quarantine at home with our little guy that looks like he lost a pretty tough fight.

Other than that we are doing better and I think we are finally on the mend!!

As we keep getting hit financially and medically this month, I cant help but hurt for friends and family who have fought tougher battles this year.

I hope you and your family have had nothing but pure joy in 2012 but if you haven't, I pray that you will have a better 2013!

As I think about my friends and family still walking through the fire right now, I think of Romans 12.

'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.'



Joyful in hope.

The last couple years the word joy just seemed to follow me around as a gentle reminder to keep choosing joy even when I didn't feel like it. Even when holding onto the tiniest piece of hope... choose joy. Be joyful.

Patient in affliction.

I've been struggling with this one this month. Patience (as well as tempers and money) have all been running short around here and I could use some prayer myself in this area. I've been repeating this verse, emphasis on the patience part, hoping I'll get it down soon!

Faithful in prayer.

I'm so thankful for my faithful prayer warriors. And I'd love to be a prayer warrior for you too. If you haven't updated me with your specific prayer requests lately, I'd love for you to email them to me. My notes list of prayer request is a little outdated in places! And if you just stumbled upon the Hickstionary today and you need prayer, you can shoot me an email too! I'd love to hear from you.

Happy 2013 y'all!! Here's to a joyful, patience filled, faithful year!

As a mom. As a teacher. As a human being....

I don't have any words.

I cant begin to wrap my mind around what has happened in our country this week and I have no idea how those families will begin to heal.



But I know Who does.






I also know I like to hold on to things (and people) tightly. My friend Ang is always good at reminding me that everything ('my' people included) belongs to Him.  It's not ours. and never has been anyway.

And as big as our dreams are (for ourselves, for our children, for the people we love),


His plans are


bigger.



I don't have any words for what happened. But (I think along with the rest of the country) have been praying non-stop and holding my little close. And somehow, that feels like enough.

The Terrible Horrible No Good Very BLESSED Days

Not too long ago I won Alexander, Who Used to Be Rich Last Sunday in a giveaway from Sievers CPA (thanks, Mary!). It's a cute book about Alexander and how he blows through his money. You know Alexander- the kid with the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? Since being reintroduced to Alexander, the H family has been calling everything 'yuck' a terrible horrible no good very bad thing. And bad days? Those are definitely terrible horrible no good and very bad.

The H family's streak of terrible horrible no good very bad days actually started after reading another book c/o Sievers CPA (thanks, Mary!). :) We had always loosely followed many Dave Ramsey principles but after reading The Total Money Makeover we decided to get a little more serious about it. We started in on the baby steps and wanted to pay off our car. (Maybe I should just start a whole separate post about our financial peace journey and how we gave ourselves the 'stupid tax' by going from no car payment to a big car payment... yeah I'll save that post for another day!) Against our gut, we followed the plan of getting the personal savings account down to $1000 and putting the rest towards our stupid tax. 

You can see where this is going, right?

Insert the start of the no good very bad days.

-Crashed hard drive: $2700 (I was able to get a large discount so thankfully it didn't end up being quite that much... again another post for another time..)
-R's iPhone is broken by a student: $80
-Fender bender in the car: TBD (ouch)
-H's iPhone is dropped in a pot of water by the one year old: TBD (I'm still praying the standby rice trick works!)

Add a few more unexpected expenses, unresolved arguments with people you love, a deadline closing in fast, the crazy busy season that is basketball, friends hurting, cancer attacking people you love, and yada yada yada and well.... you have a terrible horrible no good very.... blessed day.

Yep. Blessed.

It's taken me a few days (weeks?) to remember but that's probably because the devil is actually pretty good at his job. Have you ever had an experience where you're working towards obedience and the devil takes hold and works hard to discourage you? Have you ever been under so much spiritual attack that you don't recognize it for what it is and start your pity party for your series of terrible horrible no good very bad days?

Yeah... There might have been just a little of that going on in the H house.

'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.' -John 10:10

Once I recognized it for what it was, it was easy for me to recognize I had been seeking shelter in the wrong places.

'He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions and under His wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness is a shield. You will not fear.' -Psalm 91.1-16

'Refuge.'  Ahhhh that feels nice.

And the view from this shelter? It's looking a lot more blessed than terrible horrible no good or very bad. Yes, it's looking blessed indeed.

Today It Clicked

Today it clicked for me. That bigger picture that I'm always thinking about got a few more pieces of the puzzle put in and it. just. clicked. I know I'm not going to do God's story justice here but here's a quick review....

LOTS of things had been happening where I worked that made me feel like I was not where I was supposed to be. Some doors in my life were closing and others were opening and they all pointed to me changing my life direction for a time. I said no. And no. And no again. I kept telling God 'no' because I had ALWAYS wanted to be a teacher and I had the perfect teaching set up. I loved my curriculum, my classroom and my kids. It was the only thing in my life I ever felt like I was really good at- I would have been so stupid to walk away from it. As much as I told God 'no,' He patiently kept telling me 'yes.' In February, I compromised and requested a leave of absence for the following school year. It was granted.

Meanwhile, R&I had been wanting babies. Lots of them but we decided we would be happy with just a few if that was God's plan for us. Previous medical history did not bode well with this plan but we were both wanting to adopt anyway so we were okay with that. We sought adoption but the doors kept closing. Upon R's request, I reluctantly went to the Dr. But I told him 'no' as well. 'No, I wasn't going to have fertility treatment.' 'No, I don't want your medicine or procedures.' I just wanted to know what was physically (not reproductively speaking- I had just been feeling 'off' for 10 years) wrong with me. He diagnosed me with hypothyroidism and put me on a pill that cost $1.20 a month. I saw a chiropractor for the first time in my life and she informed me that I was (literally) out of line (everywhere). After years of wanting to be parents, we were pregnant within a matter of weeks.

In fact, remember that leave at work I had requested? I only requested it because God stopped allowing me to say no. We were pregnant at the time but didn't know it. (Oh but God did.) In fact, I probably wouldn't have taken it had we known we were pregnant because, as I'm sure you know, babies are expensive and then they grow up to be expensive kids. 'We wouldn't be able to afford to have a baby on R's income alone.' Surely God knew that.

Over the summer, Baby H kept growing and I kept working. We had a scare in early July. I remember being admitted into the birthing unit and asking God 'Why are we here? What is the purpose of this happening right now?' I. just. didn't. get. it.

School started. It was tough. Really tough. I had anticipated being sad and missing the kids (that laugh at all my jokes and make me feel so needed). I did not anticipate feeling so down on myself. I felt like I was not contributing anything to society by cleaning my kitchen and editing people's pictures. I didn't feel like I was making a difference and immediately decided there was no way I could stay home. I questioned God's will even though we had prayed about this scenario for years.

In just a few short days, God was out to hit me over the head again show me that I could do it. First, He sent me a series of emails using some amazing clients (new friends, really) of mine to tell me what a blessing I was to them. Who knew that was even possible in a 45 minute photo session?

Then, as we were sitting at a routine prenatal appointment, our Dr's generally cheerful demeanor changed. She got real serious and started talking to us about preeclampsia. She told us the complications of it, especially with onset before 32 weeks. Several hours of testing and another Mercy admit wrist band to add to my collection later, and what she suspected was confirmed.

As I talked to the Dr this morning, I wasn't sad or scared about the outlook one bit. Instead, I had an 'a ha' moment. And God was smiling down on me saying, 'See child, I told you so.'

'I told you you wouldn't go to work this year. I told you your job was at home for this season. I told you this summer to slow down. I told you My timing is perfect.'

'My timing is perfect.'

And this slow learner is seeing a little bit more of that big picture today and feeling so blessed.

So blessed indeed.

google images

From The Desk Of

It's a desk day today. The newborn I was supposed to be shooting this morning is sick so we had to reschedule. No morning session means lots of work from the desk. After uploading a ton of pictures from this weekend's wedding, my computer started running slow(er than I'm used to). I already spend enough time in photoshop as it is so I really need it to work super fast for me. Thus, the process of clearing this puppy off started.

I currently have a hard drive hooked up that is clearing of tens of thousands of photos and I've started the process of deleting about as many. Thats a big process!

While I'm working on it... I'm finding some oldies but goodies and some that I set aside for the blog that never made it.

This folder, "from the desk of," is one of those folders I had long since forgotten about.

These are pictures that I took from my desk somewhere around the end of the school year. I rotate through quotes/scriptures but some of these made the cut and stayed a really long time. Some I prayed, and prayed, and prayed again over. And some helped me through some not so easy days. It was a little tough to tear the tape off of them and take them down.

I never got around to the week of blog posts I had planned to talk about some of them so I'm just going to post them all here for my own sake of remembering.

I had fun seeing Kari at her baby shower and catching up with Kelsey during it. Kelsey reminded me that I suck at blogging (you know she's too nice for those to be her words- they're mine). It's true though so I thought I'd share another trip photo. Here we are at the bottom of Dunn's Falls. It may have been the best day of my life. I know you can't tell by this photo but it was so incredibly peaceful. (Strange because it was supposed to be thrilling.) I finally felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be (and God was saying, "See, I told you so"). It was pretty amazing.

And now I'm off to edit because the current rule is if I choose to use the computer (which has been rare lately) I need to edit at least 5 pictures while I'm on it..... :)

Emails from God

After my previously busy week, I finally had some time to catch up on some blogs. As I did, a certain blog link kept catching my eye from the sidebar of several blogs I read.

Funny because I hadn't remembered ever noticing that blog before.

At one point, I actually clicked onto the link, skimmed through the first post, saw the word infertility and clicked the little red x.

Not more than 10 minutes later I got an email from God (well it had a different name as the sender but I'm sure it was from Him). Urging me to go read that post.

So I did.

You might want to as well.

She puts into words my feelings of not being good enough. Of not getting that girl scout badge.

I'm also linking to the article she links to. This article talks about what to be to a couple facing that cross. I'm posting this here not for my friends but because I know there are a lot of people that read this blog facing that same cross and it may be helpful to them.

I would add to the article some of the gifts my friends have shared with me that have been a blessing. The text that simply says, "Stay Hopeful," the email "just checking in" and the countless hugs.

This life is not what I expected it to be. Yet, this life is blessed.

Childlike Faith

I'm guessing you remember the photo of Mini Agent I peeking in the bathroom to see if his top secret prize had been received yet. So it should come as no surprise to you that he was ready to go on another secret mission today.

This time, as he was writing his secret mission note (because as he noted, he knew exactly what it should say), his little brother wanted to do one.

"Brother you don't even know what it's for."

"Yeah huh. Do too. I want $5 McDonalds."

"No, brother. It's for other people with someone they love that cant come home from the hospital. It's going to make them happy for a little bit."

Uh. Wow. We had talked about why we were doing it last week but that's not how I explained the secret missions to him.

A little guy, all of seven years old, just wanting his own sister to come home healthy, and wanting to make other people at the hospital happy. Even if just for a little bit.

Truly I tell you, "anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” -Mark 10:15

PS- His mom did a secret mission of her own today.... and I'm enjoying the second half of it right now. Yum! :)

Take Heart

I wanted to share this with you here in case you aren't on my facebook or didn't get an email from me. If you are interested in purchasing Valentines or entering a raffle for this necklace, please let me know.

I posted this on facebook to Kylie's momma today:

I really am so excited to see God working through this little girl already. Strangers pulling together praying for her. Non-believers reading Scripture and being touched by it. Friends rallying behind this family that I love. God wouldn't let me sleep one night until I got up and got the ball moving on this. I reluctantly did it thinking we might pull together gas money for them for the week. God has done so much more than that though. He is using this little girl to touch lives, to reach people. It's really an awesome thing to see. I'm in awe.

Thank you for lifting this family that I love up in prayer.

Updated: This post popped up in the 'other posts you may like.' That thing is pretty smart. :)

Hope.

photo credit: manywallpapers

Alternately titled valleys.

"You're in a valley right now. We don't know for how long, but you're in it and you're in deep. You have to keep going through it. It seems daunting but you will make it through. And while you're here, God is going to teach you about yourself. He's going to teach you about your marriage. He's going to teach you about patience, about perseverance, faith, love, hope, goodness, about life- and you better be paying attention."

The valley.

Are you in one right now?

Is it dark? Daunting? No light in sight?

Are you questioning why He has you there? Are you trying to make sense of it? Are you losing heart? Are you ready to give up?

At one point or another (or many), we're all in a valley and it can be so. so. hard. It can be so hard to keep. going. through. it.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

¹ The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

As we look at Psalm 23, it can be comforting. He reminds us that it may be hard, but He's with us in the valley and that we will get through it.

But what if.

What if we looked at the valley differently.

A valley is defined as lowlands (usually in between mountains and along a stream). Sounds like a place where the grass would be growing green.

In Psalm 23, the valley is being walked through by 'sheep' led by the Good Shepard. 'Sheep' walking through the valley in the foot of mountains. 'Sheep' in the valley of green grass. The green grass that feeds them. Unlike the surrounding mountains.

For the sheep, the valley is probably not a bad place to be.

What about for us?

What if we held on to the truth that we are going to come out of the valley well nourished? Fed by Him? Stronger. Healthier. Wiser. Better.

Knowing more about ourselves, our marriage, patience, perseverance, faith, love, hope, goodness, life and Him.

Would it be worth it?

Would the valley still seem daunting or

would the valley be

hope-filled?

Before the Morning

A & I were talking about this song and how it can be so hard to believe even when you know it as truth. Glory is coming though, A. Hang in there!

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

BEFORE THE MORNING - JOSH WILSON

Is it Really Okay?

A few weeks ago, in the middle of a study on Psalms, we were studying a Psalm of lament. A Psalm of anger, mourning, sorrow.
Anger.
Since that study, the issue has come up time. and time. again. (Does the phrase, 'getting hit over the head' sound fitting to anyone right now?)
I've had person after person, passage after passage, pointing towards being angry with God. People telling me, "It's okay to let Him know you're angry."
But how do we claim Him as Good while being mad? How do we praise Him while crying to Him? How do we remain faithful when we're questioning?
I don't really have the answers. I typed that intro out a week ago thinking the answers would come.
They didn't.
But as I kept asking them, a peace came over me. A calm. An "It's okay, H- you don't have to have it all together all the time. It's okay to have your feelings hurt. It's okay to be disappointed. It's okay to not be good enough."
Because I'm good enough for Him.

Open Doors

He is good. He has opened doors for us that we didn't know existed. While I love the fall, I'm already looking forward to spring. And walking through some big doors.

reminded

as i lay in bed, anxious; pray.

as i get ready for the day; pray.

as i listen to a college student tell the receptionists about her busy test schedule; pray.

as i hear a daughter talking to her mother about her cancer; pray.
as i'm clinging to his hand; pray.

as i'm trying to keep it together; pray.
as i think of all the people struggling around me today; pray.

pray.

pray.