I posted this to Instagram today. I mentioned that I was afraid. Afraid of today. Afraid for a lot of reasons but mostly because R was going back to work and I would be on my own. R was going back to work and I'd be home alone to take care of B while being depressed.
Depression.
I've done it before but never while being a mom. I didn't know how to be depressed and take care of B at the same time. I was afraid. I was afraid I would forget to feed him. Afraid I wouldn't be a good mom. Afraid that when my 10:30 am appointment time rolled around (when I was supposed to be having my healthy baby ultrasound) that I'd lose it. Just afraid.
But somehow I was fine today. Better than fine really.
The unexpected visitor and the caring texts and prayers definitely helped with that. And the silly two year old. And God's grace. Lots of grace.
And I feel so blessed.
So I started writing down why. I started numbering off the reasons I feel blessed today. And pretty quick my list got to 150(!). And I thought I could keep going. So I told R I was going to list 10,000(!) Reasons I'm blessed. 10,000 Reasons to be singing.
I know that's a lot. A whole lot. R told me that averages out to about 27 a day for the year. In 2011 and 2012 I did one thing a day I was thankful for and in 2013, my planner had a spot for 10 things a month I was grateful for so I did that. But 27 a day seems like a lofty goal. (It may take me more than one year.) I think I can do it though. It helps having a two year old that does 100 things a day to be thankful for. :)
