You Are More

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

You Are More. Tenth Ave North

Talk To Me (This Chapter)

Ang was sharing the church bulletin from their service on Sunday. It was about chapters of our life and the pastor asked what would you name this chapter of your life? Good question!

Talk To Me Tuesday (or whatever day you get around to it!):

What would you name this chapter of your life?

This was so hard! Together, A & I threw around several titles... change, unexpected, challenging, confusion, WAITING. What about adversity, strength, not being enough, patience, pressure?

I was thinking about this last one while Rusty was watching a basketball game on tv. The announcers were talking about a player dealing with adversity. He said, "Pipes may burst under pressure but diamonds are made under pressure."

I guess I could call this chapter "Making Diamonds." Can't wait to see God's diamond in the rough.

Next Week's:

Thanksgiving in March.

I got the best 'thank you' in the mail last week. It came with blue raspberry jolly ranchers. Completely made my day and was a good reminder to me that I've been slacking on sending my own 'thank-you's' lately. So.....

Who are some people you are thankful for? Have you told them lately?

16-30.....

.....may or may not ever make it.

Dear 30x30,

It's not you. It's me. You're awesome. Really you are. And last fall we shared something special. I learned a lot from you. But it's just not working out this time. You see, I love those boots in the mix but the weather here one day was 70 and then there was this shopping trip planned with J. I just couldn't miss out on it. So please forgive me for totally breaking the no shopping rule and for finding new items that are dying to be worn while your 30 sit in the back of the closet in waiting. (Well- let's not kid ourselves.... those BR jeans are still going strong. Make that 29 items.) Maybe one day we'll reunite, but until then- don't you love these shoes I scored on a super sale? At least they aren't the real ones that I have shoe envy of (size 9, Easter Bunny). That's gotta count for something, right?

Take care, 30x30. It's been real.

Fondly,

H.

13, 14, 15

Day 13

Necklaces: Forever 21/{cb}h

Shirt: Old Navy

Belt: Express

Jeans: (squint and imagine that these are the gap skinnies I cant find anywhere)

Shoes: (squint and imagine I'm wearing the target flats)

I know... not the best 30x30 but again, I like to rely on the steady and true squint method.

Day 14

Necklaces: Forever 21/{cb}h

Shirt: Gap

Sweater: Gap

Belt: NY&Co

Jeans: Banana Republic

Shoes: Target

Day 15

Necklaces: Forever 21/{cb}h

Tank: Banana Republic outlet

Sweater: Gap

Skirt: Gap

Leggings: Express

Socks: Target

Boots: Madden Girl

It was practically 70 today (or low 60s but who's keeping track?). It was an awesome February day!

And aren't you glad I didn't wear the same jeans/boots combo every single day this time around? Oh come on- The necklace combo isn't as annoying is it??

Talk to Me (cabin fever?)

What are you doing to ward off cabin fever?

Maybe this should have been preceded with, "If you have cabin fever."

I actually don't. Yet.

Our schedule doesn't slow down in the winter (hello, basketball season). And compared to last year, the roads have so far been pretty nice so we've still managed to be out and about.

So instead of 'warding off cabin fever,' my answer today will be what would you do if you were stuck inside for a snow day with nothing else that needed to be done (I'm talking no photo editing, ordering, or scheduling- like that would ever happen!). :)

I would take a long hot bath and read some of the many books sitting around either unopened or half started. I finally read one not too long ago and it was the first one I'd read since before I started doing photography. Reading is probably one of the things I miss most since starting to work two full-time jobs. I vow to read at least one book over spring break!

So what about you? What are your inside activities this winter? Or have you had time for any?

Link up to your answers in the comments.

Next Week:

What would you name this chapter of your life?

10, 11, 12

Day 10

Scarf: {cb}h (from craft day!)

Shirt: Target

Belt: NY&Co

Jeans: Banana Republic

Boots: Madden Girl

Day 11

Necklaces: Forever 21/{cb}h

Shirt: Forever 21

Jeans: Banana Republic

Shoes: Target - for the record, they are flats (two 3rd grade boys were discussing whether they were heels or not. ha.)

It was nearly 50 this day. I didn't wear socks and may have been made fun of just a little for it.... but Jaren actually got a pair as a gift this day and she let me borrow them since admittedly my feet were cold... ironically only when I was inside though.

Day 12

Scarf: Gift from my amazingly talented Aunt Peggy!

Shirt: Gap

Bracelet: Express (I think?)

Belt: NY&Co

Jeans: Banana Republic

Boots: Madden Girl

How much do you love this scarf? My plan was to wear the red for Valentine's Day. I actually had a student notice it without prompt and gave a sweet compliment. Guess the red worked! ;)

Side note: Did you see this about clothing prices going up?

Date Night

I'm way behind in blogging (and editing and laundry and house cleaning and email returning and.... well you get the point) but I still wanted to get at least one post up this weekend.

R&I (and hundreds of other people judging by the traffic) celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday. We went all out this year.... we did dinner (err, lunch) AND a movie. We may have done dinner (uh, lunch) on a gift card from Christmas and the movie on our couch, but we still got both in. And in between we picked up treats at Target. Sour Patch Kids and Coca Cola bottles in the popcorn. Yum. (If you are thinking you knew me better than that and I don't eat sour candy... you'd be right, until they were mixed in with the popcorn... it's a whole new treat.)

So anyway, happy Valentine's to you. Hope you spend the day (and the rest of the year) knowing how much you are loved.

7, 8, 9

Day 7: This remix has been way different from the last one. I haven't spent one second sitting down to plan out outfits like I did last time around. Every morning has been a grab/go kind of morning- something I only rarely did last time around. So I've found when I've had time to check out other remixer's outfits I do a quick check to see if I have similar pieces in my own 30 so I can recreate the look. That's what I attempted with this one.

If you are thinking, "wow, H, that looks nothing like yours" you should consider trying the squint method. Works every time.

Scarf: Some little Valley Junction shop

Sweater: Lauren Conrad

Belt: NY&Co

Jeans: BR

Boots: Madden Girl

Day 8: Again grab & go. Do you like the change of shoes? I know you are thinking I took Kari's advice and wore boots into the building then changed my shoes. I didn't. I mean, I wore boots into the building alright. But I forgot the part about bringing the original shoes to change into. Oops. So the boots I wore the majority of the day aren't pictured. Turns out that's good because they also weren't a legal 30x30 item. But since there's no photo it never happened and since there is a photo of this outfit, clearly this outfit did happen so no harm, no foul, right? Maybe I should have just pleaded the 5th about this one and lived with the guilty conscious....

Scarf: fab'rik

Shirt: Gap

Jeans: See Thru Soul

Shoes: Target

Day 9: Clearly g&g. Not so much an outfit. But definitely comfy. I could have added a belt and a big bracelet but I didn't. I also could have worn it with tights as the dress it was meant to be but it's too cold for that. I'm a layerer so this doesn't seem real versatile to me. Other than the aforementioned, how else would you style this?

Shirt Dress: Target (purchased with Christmas gift cards.)

Necklace: {cb}h (worn everyday but I feel like the days it's hidden under a scarf it isn't worth mentioning. I also wonder that since I mention this most days, maybe I should start mentioning my wedding ring as well?)

Jeans: BR

Boots: Madden Girl

Life

via this post

Maddox Says

After R asked Maddox if he was going to come pull weeds at our house this summer, he had this conversation with his mom:

Maddox: "I pull weeds."

Mom: "What??"

Maddox: "I stay at H's house and pull weeds. I keep all my clothes here and you stay home. Don't worry, I'll be okay here."

Love this little guy. :)

Talk to Me (Awesome)

Inspired by Sarah's link to this Awesome video. What would make your Awesome List? (Lists, photos, videos, etc. welcome!)

A Dove wrapper that says, "Blessings only come to those who notice." New babies. Holding a miracle. Having a super bowl party yet not watching a minute of the game. Twin babies. Toddlers. Jelly beans. The bumper sticker on the Oldsmobile in front of me- "Don't let my car fool you, my treasure is in heaven." A nephew that says he's going to move all of his clothes to our house and stay there. Flower delivery. Spring coming. A good book. A warm house. The tail end of a basketball schedule. Prom dress shopping with my cousin's daughter. Modern medicine. Having an excuse to watch kid movies. and to play the kid games at the pizza place. Good teacher assistants. Great students. Hugs. Blue raspberry jolly ranchers. A sister that will cook when she's visiting. Baby spit up (for those of you over Sunday I'm hoping you appreciate this-ha). Friends that carry you. Carrying friends. Spring break creeping in closer on the calendar. Just starting a book and already seeing trials as boons. Friends that give. and give. and give. Packages on the door step. Unexpected mail. Being blessed.

These are just a few of the awesome things in my life this week.

What are yours? (link up to them in the comments)

Next Week's: What are you doing to ward off cabin fever?

4, 5, 6 of the remix

Day 4:

R asked if it was business casual Friday. In case you hadn't noticed yet, every day where I work is casual (one of the perks that a lot of others in my profession don't get). R also said he wasn't 'feeling' this outfit. I told him he was wrong but now that I'm looking at it I'm not sure!

Necklace: {cb}h Take Heart and Isaiah 40:31

Jacket: Express

Shirt: Forever 21

Jeans: Banana Republic

Boots: Madden Girl

Day 5:

Super casual Saturday. I took my cousin's baby prom dress shopping (pictures to come!). Comfort was a necessity.

Necklace: {cb}h Take Heart and Isaiah 40:31

Sweatshirt: J Crew

Shirt: Fossil

Jeans: Gap

Boots: Ugg

Day 6: Just another manic Monday (yes, I skipped Sunday- that was my fun day).

Necklace: {cb}h Take Heart and Isaiah 40:31

Necklace 2: Scrabble H (gift from Mary)

Sweater: Ann Taylor

Tank: Target

Jeans: Banana Republic

Boots: Madden Girl

Update from Kylie

Hi everyone! My name is Kylie Josephine Peasley. I was born on January 13, 2011. I weighed 8 lb 7 oz and was 21 in long. I was born with a special heart, and had to stay in the hospital for three weeks after having a balloon procedure done. God has been healing me and making my heart stronger every day. I got to give my mommy a pretty awesome birthday present by coming home on her special day. She was super happy! I'm going to be spending some quality time with my big brothers and mommy and daddy for the next few days since I didn't get to see them for a long time. I'll get to visit everyone else starting next week. I want to thank each of you that has been praying for me. God hears every one of your prayers. I know my mommy and daddy really appreciate your prayers too. I know they would like to thank each of you individually for everything that you've all done, but I don't think that's possible. So, from me, and my whole family, thank you all so much. Remember that God loves each of you so, so much :)

3

Three things. and outfit #3. (Actually it's three things and one of them is outfit #3. but who's counting?)

1.) I'm having hair issues. When the P boys were here, they stayed in the spare bedroom. I woke up to them laughing at our wedding album and another album from around the same time. I have major hair envy of 2007 Heidi. 2011 Heidi's hair is a lot different (I'm talking oils, texture, thickness) from 2007 Heidi's. How does that happen? (Wait. Stress? Oh. Okay then.)

2.) I've been taking photos for the Love of Joy assignments and I'm loving it. R, however, is not. I thought he was growly behind the camera. Turns out being on the other side (every single day that is) is harder on him. ;)

3.) Day 3 of the 30x30:

Necklace: Take Heart/Isaiah 40:31: {cb}h. Faux pearls: Premier (way back when the mother of a college boyfriend sold it and hooked me up with lots and lots for free).

Long sleeve tee: Gap

Sweater: Gap Outlet

Jeans: Banana Republic

Boots: Madden Girl (Honestly, I was going to mix it up on the shoes today but as I was trudging through knee high snow to get to work, I was so glad I had these on!)

Happy Almost Friday!

[wb]h days 1 and 2

The 'winter' edition of the 30x30 started Feb. 1 (though I may have worn outfit #1 Jan 31st to avoid posting what I am wearing on a snow day....). Here are my first two. Two down, 28 to go!

Necklace: {cb}h (created by heidi). It's actually two of them together. My Isaiah 40:31 and Take Heart necklaces. I've wear them pretty much daily.

Shirt Dress: Forever 21.

Sweater: Lauren Conrad for Kohls. Purchased with a gift card my husband got for Christmas. Thanks, R! :)

Jeans: Banana Republic.

Boots: Madden Girl (get used to them now).

Day 2:

Necklace: {cb}h

Scarf: Old Navy outlet (I think)

Shirt Dress: American Apparel

Sweater: Gap

Jeans: Banana Republic (Kelsey inspired me to get a pair awhile back. Then I just happened to get an email for a BR jeans sale over the lunch break. Lucky for us it coincided with a day we would be right near the mall for a not fun Drs appointment AND R said I could get a treat for being good at the dr. Hello, new jeans. I love you.)

Boots: Madden Girl

Weekend with the P Boys

It's a snow day. I know I should be getting caught up on editing. or cleaning. or returning emails.

But instead I'm blogging.

I just really wanted to share pictures of the P boys. My awesome friend sent them some cards for Incredible Pizza so R & I got to take them there last weekend.

They came over Friday after school and provided quite the entertainment. After dinner (yes, cheese balls were their side of choice- sorry, A!), Jaden was super anxious to make his necklace. He stamped in 'My Kylie' and I still have all of my fingers in tact.

The boys are really into texting right now. Isaiah gets to practice his spelling and Jaden pretends to be like Isaiah...

Mal stopped by with Colson (Coop was supposed to stay too but the poor guy got sick) and the boys had a great time together and they showed off some great dance moves (taking lessons from Buzz on Toy Story 3).

We spent Saturday morning at the gym. We played some two on two then Isaiah had his game to go to.

We got to go to IPC Saturday night and the boys were way too busy to slow down for any pictures. Jaden dominated at the Nascar Racing. Isaiah dominated in the basketball. And they both get Michael Jordan tongue when they are focused. Uncle Nick came to get them and got in a bowling game with us before the boys cashed in all of their tickets (and they had LOTS- around 2,000). Thanks for the fun weekend, P boys! Can't wait to see you again soon!

Happy Birthday, Ang!

It's Ang's birthday. I'm copy/pasting last year's birthday post. Hopefully they will get to come home with baby Kylie today. Hopefully they are safe on the roads. Hopefully Ang has the best birthday yet. Hopefully they are feeling well enough to celebrate with another Superbowl Birthday Cake this weekend. Hopefully we will get to see them soon!

Thanks to all my friends that have been praying for Ang and her family the last few weeks. It means so much to me!

_________________________________________________________________

Today is one of my very best friends, Ang's birthday. Here is a picture of her birthday last year. We always end up having to celebrate it during the Super Bowl because of basketball...

Ang is such an amazing friend to so many people. She has a huge heart and is such a loving and giving person. I have never met anyone that doesn't love Ang and I don't know of anyone that could ever have a negative word to say about her. She is always so positive and such a great example of sharing the Lord's agape love. There are a lot of friends that will share your sorrows, but not a lot of friends will rejoice with you. Ang is a friend that I can cry to or truly rejoice with. She and her husband, Gabe, are such an inspiration to Rusty & I. They have done so much for us and are always there. No matter what.

Plus, she's so stinkin' cute she even looks good in a potato sack!

Love you, Ang! Happy Birthday!!

Updated: Another Super Bowl birthday cake:

Journey

I strongly considered using Journey as my word of the year. It seems like we've been on several 'journeys' lately. Recently, I received an email with subject: The Journey. (I'll paste it below) Over the past few years we've been through all of the listed steps. The hardest part, for me is being in a good spot then feeling like I'm slipping back into a part of the journey that I've already been and don't want to go back to.

I love the verse listed at the end. I have a necklace with that verse on it that I wear around my neck. (I originally had made the necklace for Ang a long time ago- ultimately I kept it for myself and made her one that said SOAR instead but from the same verse. Speaking of Ang, it's her birthday tomorrow. Will you pray with me that they tell her SHE CAN BRING BABY KYLIE HOME? What a birthday present that would be!)

I realize that was a little garrulous but I hope you are all seeing the joy today- not matter what step of your journey you are at!

THE JOURNEY
By Sylvia Van Regenmorter

Infertility is an emotional journey and, before it is over, you will experience every emotion known to humans. Where are you in this journey? Ask your spouse this evening where he or she is and where he or she would place you.

There’s nothing wrong.
The journey begins in a hazy fog. You have been married for a year or more and no children have come. In the back of your mind, you begin to wonder why you haven’t become pregnant, but there is no worry. Perhaps if you and your husband were able to get away for a few weekends…or if you felt rested enough to make love more often…or if…

There’s something wrong. Now what?
You continue in the fog until slowly, gradually, it begins to lift and you realize something is wrong. You should have become pregnant by now. Each month you hope for the best, but each month you are disappointed. You laugh it off when asked when you are going to start a family. "Why get tied down so early?" you respond. "We need to enjoy life first." For all of the outward lightheartedness, you are becoming increasingly worried. What is wrong?

It is something minor.
The fog is lifting now, and you are ready to acknowledge that you have a problem. This is an important milepost on the journey. You carefully select a doctor and make an appointment–confident that you will find help. As far as you are concerned, there is no need to pack for a long and trying trip–just an overnight bag will do. Why, in no time you will become pregnant, and the journey will be over!

Shock
Suddenly, you fall off a cliff that you hadn’t seen. You hit the bottom with a soul-jarring thud. Your physician has discovered that there is something seriously wrong with you or your spouse. You are surprised. "Doctor," you say, "you’ve got to be kidding." But the doctor is not smiling.

Shock is often the shortest stop on the journey. Soon you climb back up on the cliff and, though bruised, you are unbowed.

Denial and Anger
With renewed energy and determination, you plunge ahead. You do not realize that you have begun to blindly stumble down the path of denial. You convince yourself that the doctor must have gotten the wrong test results. You assure yourself by saying, "God would never deny us children."

You do not travel very far on the path of denial before you stumble over a sharp rock on your path—the rock of anger. You may become angry at your physician: "My doctor is so cold and so costly." Your anger may leap out at your spouse: "Why don’t you understand what I am feeling?" You may become angry at yourself: "It is stupid for me to get this upset!" Your anger may even be directed at God.

Guilt and Depression
Anger does not usually last long. Before you know it, you have fallen down an embankment into the valley of guilt. If only I hadn’t used birth control…If only I had been a better Christian.

At the valley floor you encounter depression, which appears in many forms. You may simply have a dragged-out feeling or feel unattractive and unloved. You may lose all of your desire for sex or neglect your appearance. For some it is very important to seek support–perhaps even professional counseling. I was part of an eight-week support group with four other couples. It was so helpful to freely share my thoughts, fears, and pain with others who understood.

Isolation
The worst part about being at the bottom is that you feel so alone. You cry out, "Are you walking with me, Jesus?" but there is no answer. Even your spouse does not seem to be walking by your side. The sun is blazing down on you now as you walk the lonely trail. You are becoming weary and tired–oh, so tired! You endure tests and more tests and maybe even try the latest (and most expensive) techniques while on your journey to have a baby but with no success!

Grief
The most difficult part of the journey is through the river of grief. You begin to traverse these raging waters when you realize that you may never have a biological baby. You grieve over this thought. You grieve the loss of your hopes and aspirations. You mourn the child you may never have. In this time of sadness, there is no body…no memorial service…no group of friends to offer their condolences.

Recovery
After you have grieved and mourned, you continue the journey. You are now on the way to recovery. It begins when you take positive action and look forward to the future. The energy that you once put into your grief, you now devote to new projects and new beginnings. The room you had kept for the baby you redecorate as a den. You begin to cultivate what is fertile in your life–a musical talent, a career you had put on hold, a desire to learn more about an interest you have.

Acceptance and Peace
Finally, you reach the end of your journey. Now you are home. You have reached a sense of God-given peace and acceptance. If God should surprise you with a child, you will praise His Holy name. And please remember that He often surprises His people in ways they never could have imagined! But if He doesn’t, it will be okay. There may be times when you backtrack for a while and retrace the steps of sadness and loss you visited before. But for the most part, you are able to say…and mean:

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV

Hey, Super Crafters!

Did you see the craftastic weekend on Whatever? I had thought about using embroidery hoop art as mine for next time so I was super excited to see the different versions. Do you have yours planned yet? There are some cute ideas!! Are we ready to set the date for our next one????? :)

Talk to Me (Your Word of the Year)

What is your WORD for 2011? What describes you or what you want to accomplish this year.

Inspired by Ali Edwards. ViaAshley. :)

Since first seeing the 'word' on Lisa Leonard's blog, I went back and forth on what my word would be a lot. I thought about using my unofficial word(s) of the year from last year... Hold Fast. I considered Take Heart or just Heart. I thought about Hope, Journey and Waiting.

I kept changing my mind and changing it again before finally settling on joy.

Joy.

My email signature says "Be Joyful Always." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

We sent the same message out on our Christmas cards.

My favorite Christmas photo of the year was JOY in scrabble letters.

Joy.

Not so much about finding joy but more about realizing it's already right there. Even in the dark.

Next Week's:

Inspired by Sarah's link to this Awesome video. What would make your Awesome List? (Lists, photos, videos, etc. welcome!)