I love the verse listed at the end. I have a necklace with that verse on it that I wear around my neck. (I originally had made the necklace for Ang a long time ago- ultimately I kept it for myself and made her one that said SOAR instead but from the same verse. Speaking of Ang, it's her birthday tomorrow. Will you pray with me that they tell her SHE CAN BRING BABY KYLIE HOME? What a birthday present that would be!)
I realize that was a little garrulous but I hope you are all seeing the joy today- not matter what step of your journey you are at!
THE JOURNEY
By Sylvia Van Regenmorter
Infertility is an emotional journey and, before it is over, you will experience every emotion known to humans. Where are you in this journey? Ask your spouse this evening where he or she is and where he or she would place you.
There’s nothing wrong.
The journey begins in a hazy fog. You have been married for a year or more and no children have come. In the back of your mind, you begin to wonder why you haven’t become pregnant, but there is no worry. Perhaps if you and your husband were able to get away for a few weekends…or if you felt rested enough to make love more often…or if…
There’s something wrong. Now what?
You continue in the fog until slowly, gradually, it begins to lift and you realize something is wrong. You should have become pregnant by now. Each month you hope for the best, but each month you are disappointed. You laugh it off when asked when you are going to start a family. "Why get tied down so early?" you respond. "We need to enjoy life first." For all of the outward lightheartedness, you are becoming increasingly worried. What is wrong?
It is something minor.
The fog is lifting now, and you are ready to acknowledge that you have a problem. This is an important milepost on the journey. You carefully select a doctor and make an appointment–confident that you will find help. As far as you are concerned, there is no need to pack for a long and trying trip–just an overnight bag will do. Why, in no time you will become pregnant, and the journey will be over!
Shock
Suddenly, you fall off a cliff that you hadn’t seen. You hit the bottom with a soul-jarring thud. Your physician has discovered that there is something seriously wrong with you or your spouse. You are surprised. "Doctor," you say, "you’ve got to be kidding." But the doctor is not smiling.
Shock is often the shortest stop on the journey. Soon you climb back up on the cliff and, though bruised, you are unbowed.
Denial and Anger
With renewed energy and determination, you plunge ahead. You do not realize that you have begun to blindly stumble down the path of denial. You convince yourself that the doctor must have gotten the wrong test results. You assure yourself by saying, "God would never deny us children."
You do not travel very far on the path of denial before you stumble over a sharp rock on your path—the rock of anger. You may become angry at your physician: "My doctor is so cold and so costly." Your anger may leap out at your spouse: "Why don’t you understand what I am feeling?" You may become angry at yourself: "It is stupid for me to get this upset!" Your anger may even be directed at God.
Guilt and Depression
Anger does not usually last long. Before you know it, you have fallen down an embankment into the valley of guilt. If only I hadn’t used birth control…If only I had been a better Christian.
At the valley floor you encounter depression, which appears in many forms. You may simply have a dragged-out feeling or feel unattractive and unloved. You may lose all of your desire for sex or neglect your appearance. For some it is very important to seek support–perhaps even professional counseling. I was part of an eight-week support group with four other couples. It was so helpful to freely share my thoughts, fears, and pain with others who understood.
Isolation
The worst part about being at the bottom is that you feel so alone. You cry out, "Are you walking with me, Jesus?" but there is no answer. Even your spouse does not seem to be walking by your side. The sun is blazing down on you now as you walk the lonely trail. You are becoming weary and tired–oh, so tired! You endure tests and more tests and maybe even try the latest (and most expensive) techniques while on your journey to have a baby but with no success!
Grief
The most difficult part of the journey is through the river of grief. You begin to traverse these raging waters when you realize that you may never have a biological baby. You grieve over this thought. You grieve the loss of your hopes and aspirations. You mourn the child you may never have. In this time of sadness, there is no body…no memorial service…no group of friends to offer their condolences.
Recovery
After you have grieved and mourned, you continue the journey. You are now on the way to recovery. It begins when you take positive action and look forward to the future. The energy that you once put into your grief, you now devote to new projects and new beginnings. The room you had kept for the baby you redecorate as a den. You begin to cultivate what is fertile in your life–a musical talent, a career you had put on hold, a desire to learn more about an interest you have.
Acceptance and Peace
Finally, you reach the end of your journey. Now you are home. You have reached a sense of God-given peace and acceptance. If God should surprise you with a child, you will praise His Holy name. And please remember that He often surprises His people in ways they never could have imagined! But if He doesn’t, it will be okay. There may be times when you backtrack for a while and retrace the steps of sadness and loss you visited before. But for the most part, you are able to say…and mean:
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV
By Sylvia Van Regenmorter
Infertility is an emotional journey and, before it is over, you will experience every emotion known to humans. Where are you in this journey? Ask your spouse this evening where he or she is and where he or she would place you.
There’s nothing wrong.
The journey begins in a hazy fog. You have been married for a year or more and no children have come. In the back of your mind, you begin to wonder why you haven’t become pregnant, but there is no worry. Perhaps if you and your husband were able to get away for a few weekends…or if you felt rested enough to make love more often…or if…
There’s something wrong. Now what?
You continue in the fog until slowly, gradually, it begins to lift and you realize something is wrong. You should have become pregnant by now. Each month you hope for the best, but each month you are disappointed. You laugh it off when asked when you are going to start a family. "Why get tied down so early?" you respond. "We need to enjoy life first." For all of the outward lightheartedness, you are becoming increasingly worried. What is wrong?
It is something minor.
The fog is lifting now, and you are ready to acknowledge that you have a problem. This is an important milepost on the journey. You carefully select a doctor and make an appointment–confident that you will find help. As far as you are concerned, there is no need to pack for a long and trying trip–just an overnight bag will do. Why, in no time you will become pregnant, and the journey will be over!
Shock
Suddenly, you fall off a cliff that you hadn’t seen. You hit the bottom with a soul-jarring thud. Your physician has discovered that there is something seriously wrong with you or your spouse. You are surprised. "Doctor," you say, "you’ve got to be kidding." But the doctor is not smiling.
Shock is often the shortest stop on the journey. Soon you climb back up on the cliff and, though bruised, you are unbowed.
Denial and Anger
With renewed energy and determination, you plunge ahead. You do not realize that you have begun to blindly stumble down the path of denial. You convince yourself that the doctor must have gotten the wrong test results. You assure yourself by saying, "God would never deny us children."
You do not travel very far on the path of denial before you stumble over a sharp rock on your path—the rock of anger. You may become angry at your physician: "My doctor is so cold and so costly." Your anger may leap out at your spouse: "Why don’t you understand what I am feeling?" You may become angry at yourself: "It is stupid for me to get this upset!" Your anger may even be directed at God.
Guilt and Depression
Anger does not usually last long. Before you know it, you have fallen down an embankment into the valley of guilt. If only I hadn’t used birth control…If only I had been a better Christian.
At the valley floor you encounter depression, which appears in many forms. You may simply have a dragged-out feeling or feel unattractive and unloved. You may lose all of your desire for sex or neglect your appearance. For some it is very important to seek support–perhaps even professional counseling. I was part of an eight-week support group with four other couples. It was so helpful to freely share my thoughts, fears, and pain with others who understood.
Isolation
The worst part about being at the bottom is that you feel so alone. You cry out, "Are you walking with me, Jesus?" but there is no answer. Even your spouse does not seem to be walking by your side. The sun is blazing down on you now as you walk the lonely trail. You are becoming weary and tired–oh, so tired! You endure tests and more tests and maybe even try the latest (and most expensive) techniques while on your journey to have a baby but with no success!
Grief
The most difficult part of the journey is through the river of grief. You begin to traverse these raging waters when you realize that you may never have a biological baby. You grieve over this thought. You grieve the loss of your hopes and aspirations. You mourn the child you may never have. In this time of sadness, there is no body…no memorial service…no group of friends to offer their condolences.
Recovery
After you have grieved and mourned, you continue the journey. You are now on the way to recovery. It begins when you take positive action and look forward to the future. The energy that you once put into your grief, you now devote to new projects and new beginnings. The room you had kept for the baby you redecorate as a den. You begin to cultivate what is fertile in your life–a musical talent, a career you had put on hold, a desire to learn more about an interest you have.
Acceptance and Peace
Finally, you reach the end of your journey. Now you are home. You have reached a sense of God-given peace and acceptance. If God should surprise you with a child, you will praise His Holy name. And please remember that He often surprises His people in ways they never could have imagined! But if He doesn’t, it will be okay. There may be times when you backtrack for a while and retrace the steps of sadness and loss you visited before. But for the most part, you are able to say…and mean:
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV
