When I say, "Wow, you are so big- you look great!" to a pregnant friend, she may hear, "Wow, you look like a whale." when what I mean is, "Wow, you have been busy growing a baby, that's amazing and you really do look great. Pregnant women everywhere are jealous of how good you look and I'm jealous that you have that magic superpower that I don't have." Perspective.
When people say to me, "Your time will come" "You'll make a great mom" You are so lucky to not have to deal with kids right now" and I hurt, I really need to remember they mean, "I really believe your time is coming" "You'll make a great mom" and.... well, I'm not sure what they mean by that last one.... Perspective.
I upset a few people with my post about "Please don't tell me." People told me it wasn't fair for me to say that and that I'm shutting people out by being so sensitive. For the most part I didn't respond to those people (and if you're reading this post, waiting for a response to that, consider this my apology for ignoring you). But I have to disagree. For me, that post opened a lot of lines of communication and I've talked to so many women about the very issue. What I realized from all of it is that it's okay for my feelings to be hurt by some of those things- that's human nature. But when I was so focused on how sad those things made me, what I really need to be focused on is the heart behind the person saying those things. When someone gives you unsolicited advice, I really do believe they think they are trying to help. When someone tells you how good you look, they surely mean it. When someone tells you how great you are, they do love you.
So I've been thinking about this perspective thing a lot. The other night, a friend was here with her three kids. I was having a pow wow with the youngest and she said to me what a great mother I'll be. I know you're expecting me to tell you how bad it hurt to hear that- but it didn't. It felt good. For the first time- I believed it.
Perspective.
Here's to a new year with a fresh, new perspective. Happy 2011!
