i found a lump.

i am not worried. i assure myself the lump is related to breastfeeding. (i finished nursing january 4th.) i get a reminder in the mail that my yearly is past due. i call to make the appointment. i casually mention the lump. i am not worried. i tell the receptionist so. i am asked questions. i tell her the specifics. i am rushed into the next available appointment. i am stuck in a snow storm. i am a little worried. i wait. i pray. i am reminded. i am a wife. i am a mother. i am a friend. i am His child. i am loved. i am wanted. i am blessed. i am so very blessed. i am alive.

i am rescheduled. i wait. i pray. i am called in by the nurse. i wait. i see the dr. i wait. i am given more information than my brain knows what to do with. i am told it needs further testing. i am given a prescription sheet for a mammogram and ultrasound. i find my boys in the waiting room. i go to lunch with them. i run errands with them. i wait with them. i wait. i wait. i pray. i wait.

i get to the radiologist. i check in. i wait. i see the others waiting. i see the tears. i see the expressionless faces. i am sad for them. i pray for them. i wonder what it would be like to be them. i see the tech. i wait. i  am hit like a wave with nauseousness. i hate when the techs get the serious look on their face. i try to read her face. i try to read the screen. i try to look for any sign of anything to find out what is going on. i cant find it. i give up. i look at the ceiling. i think drop ceilings are ugly. i wait.

i see the dr. i am given the okay. i am given the news you want to hear. i have a cyst. i will heal on my own. i am told what to do next but i don't hear it. i am too busy thanking God. i try not to let the smile on my face get too big. i cant help it. i get dressed. i try not to run as i go to my boys. i want to shout the good news to them. i am healthy. i am living. i am okay. i can stop worrying about unpaid sick days. i can stop worrying about who will snuggle my baby while i'm in treatment. i am greeted with a hug by my baby. i am blessed by his smile. i am bursting with joy.

i see the tears. i see the kleenex. i see the hugs. i see the lady in the corner. i see the man with glassy eyes waiting on his wife. i see the woman bawling in her car. i see the waiting.  i see them through His eyes. i have a deep ache in my heart. i am sad for them. i feel guilty. i don't know why it wasn't me. i don't know why it was them instead. i feel guilty i'm walking out unscathed. i feel guilty i don't offer them a hug. i feel guilty for getting in the car with my healthy family and driving away. i pray for them. i beg God to protect them. i thank God for protecting me. i am thankful for this life. i will stop taking it for granted. i will stop waiting. i will start living. i will see people as He does. i will do something about it.

i dare you to do the same.

appy errtday!

That's 'Happy Birthday' in case you don't speak B talk.

We spent Thursday making 'errtday cake' and Friday making 'errtday frosting' and B was pretty excited to say 'APPY ERRTDAY!!!' all week long.  Of course by the time grandpa got here to celebrate on Saturday, he got shy and wouldn't say it in front of everyone. You'll have to take my word for it though- the kid is cute.

Just a couple party pics.... All the decorations found or made from something found around the house. The set up is really similar to B's Mustache Bash. (Which apparently I never blogged- I'll get on that.)

Menu:

-Birthday Cake! (I get asked for the recipe a lot... it's from a box. The trick is the frosting. I make Wilton buttercream for the big cake and Wilton cream cheese frosting for the cake jars. (Follow the links for recipes.)
-Egg bake casserole
-French toast casserole (I thought it was yummy! And super easy. We'll definitely make it again.)
-Marshmallow pops (just dip them in almond bark and decorate with sprinkles or whatever else sounds good- got this super easy recipe from my cousin several years ago but you can find it all over Pinterest these days).
-Mom's cinnamon rolls
-Bananas, muffins, donuts

'Appy errtday', grandpa! We hope you had a great day!

365 WK4

22- Tuesdays are generally my shooting day in the winter. B's grandma came to hang out with him this Tuesday and he had a great time.

23- Bath time is daddy's duty. Unless B get's extra messy during the day then requests a bath. He LOVES bath time (until it's time to get out!).

24- Mama was busy baking all day in preparation for an upcoming birthday party. B pushed a chair over to the counter and snuck a taste when he thought no one was looking. He has the sweet innocent look down, doesn't he?

25- More party prep. B met his quota of sweets for the month in just a few short days this week! Here he was tasting the frosting (or the 'appy earthday' as he likes to call it).

26- Saturday was party day! Grandpa came for brunch to celebrate his 60th birthday and later some friends came over for a Favorite Things party. Fun times!

27- The streets were an ice rink so it was a great morning to snuggle and drink (my new) tea. I won it at the Favorite Things party and it is YUMMY! We bummed around the house all day and watched church online. We finally ventured out that night for small group and it was still a little slick out.

28- Daddy had a late start so got to play with B most of the morning before nap time. B napped almost the entire time daddy was at work so he was extra excited when daddy was home so early this afternoon. Of course he's already gone again for basketball, but play time was fun while he was here!

How was your week???

What He Wore Wednesday

I've been wanting to do a 'What We Wore Wednesday' of B & I but he's actually way more stylish than me so I thought a 'what he wore' might work a little better. The whole getting outfit pictures of my toddler on the go thing though... not high on my to do list. I did get some shots of him in his trousers a week ago though. Unfortunately the trousers don't fit yet so rather than wearing the suspenders hanging down, he actually needed them. And the outfit didn't last much longer than this mini-session. :)

I was super excited when my little model grabbed the frame off the floor (all on his own!). Of course he was only interested in checking it out and not so interested in posing with it, but it was a good start. And after that... he was done. He let me know so by climbing up in his chair and giving me the look. Good thing he's stinkin' adorable. :)



Where he got it:

Trousers: Zara
Suspenders: Aven
Shirt: Target
Sweet smile: his mama ;)


PS- I know he looks like the little amish boy Jacob. I promise when the pants actually fit I wont pair that shirt with them. ;)

365 wk3

15- My favorite part of being home during the day is playtime with B. It is so cool to get to watch him learn all day long and I really love it when daddy gets in on the playtime too. Today he and B built this huge tower and B got a kick out of it.

16- If you know B, you can hear his squeal when you look at this picture. The kid is my sweet, wild, silly boy. Who was thrilled to find this beach ball in the back of the toy closet tonight. (I'm not sure how he had missed it being there before!)

17- Lisa and her boys came for some quick pictures and B had all sorts of fun with them!

18- I decided if I'm going to ever be in a picture with B, I'm going to have to figure out how to use the remote a little better. I held a practice session in B's room but he figured out what was going on and the next shot is of him crawling towards the camera. (See below.) :)

19- R&I had date night which included ice skating and cupcakes. Yum!

20- I was super annoyed with the recent state of our guest bathroom so I did a teeny update. I did spend $25 on a new shower curtain (which was a need, not a want- the old one was so done-zo R threw it away without being asked) but other than that the update was free. My favorite price for a project! Here's a teeny sneak peek of the prints I made for it. Can you spot the 'stolen' Lollywood frame? I justified using it in there since it's the primary client restroom. :)

21- B likes to pretend he's a big kid but his mama knows better. ;)


January is three weeks over. Crazy!

date night + a cupcake review

Saturday night was date night. Like having a babysitter, leaving the house kind of date night. That's kind of a big deal because it's happened... oh about one other time since B was born.  I know, I know. That's a LOT less than our once a month goal (which we thought we were setting the bar low for since we previously did once a week.. yikes). But we don't have family in town and by the time you pay a babysitter date night becomes ex.pens.ive. I tried sending out a mass email to local moms in an attempt to set up a babysitting co-op but so far that's as far as it got. (Side note- local moms, let's trade babysitting. Puh-lease.)


But back to the point (sorry, I'm easily distracted).


Saturday night was date night. B's aunt and cousins came to hang out with him (okay so it wasn't a paid babysitter...but still) and he had an AWESOME time.

Mama and dada did too!

While B was basking in the glow of being Colson's sidekick, we were ice skating (which for the record- even though R is the more athletic of the two of us, I totally kick his butt at all things skating and snow or cold related), enjoying dinner, and grabbing dessert.



Dessert was kinda the whole point of the date night. Well, you know, besides that whole connecting with the hubby part. ;) Unfortunately, on the way to dessert I got hit hard with a migraine and we almost aborted the mission. Thankfully R knew I would totally regret it in the morning so we muddled through and were able to snag not one but four treats (for the road).


The dessert worth suffering through a migraine for?


Scratch Cupcakery!!


For those of you in Eastern Iowa, this is old (but delicious) news to you. For all my Central Iowa friends, this is something we've been anxiously awaiting. I had heard the hype for months and when West Des Moines finally opened their store this week, we knew we had to go!

A little backstory (as if the backstory above wasn't enough)- I do not like cake. Or cupcakes. At least I didn't used to. Seriously, we didn't even have a 'real' official wedding cake. We opted for cheesecake instead. So some of you may be wondering what in the world I'm doing reviewing a cupcake place.

Well.. I didn't used to like cake. But B has a major sweet-tooth and while I was feeding him in utero, I got a major sweet-tooth.

So now I like cake.


Ahem.




So off to Scratch Cupcakery we go.

Here's what I thought.

Marketing- Cute design. Easy to access through Facebook and web. I especially appreciated the cupcake description online (since I take a LONG time to decide what I want). The description for Sully (a common favorite on the employees page) was missing though. I was dying to know what (or who?) Sully was. Grade: A

Location- not exactly ideal but not so far out of the way it's not worth the trip. Mapquest showed us that it was a ways off Jordan Creek Parkway but it's actually right by it so while we don't normally take that route to the mall, we might start. Grade: B+

Storefront- It was dark and I had a migraine coming on big-time so I wasn't paying attention as I should have been but one thing that stood out to me- it's right next to a fitness center. It's RIGHT next to a fitness center! I mean come on, who does that?! I felt guilty about eating the cupcakes before I was even in the front door.  Grade: F (Okay... so I didn't feel THAT guilty, I'll give it a C+.)  ;)
The inside was simple, clean and cute. Not cluttered with too much 'ta-da' and the focus was definitely on the cupcakes. Grade: A

Service- We got there at approximately 6:52 pm. They close at 7. The gal that got our cupcakes for us was patient while we decided what we wanted and even kind when I changed my mind and had her put one back and switch it for another one. She wasn't annoyed that we were walking in the door close to closing time (at least she didn't show it if she was) and was helpful in the decision making process (choosing cupcakes is serious business). I give her an A+. The workers in the back also seemed friendly and professional (I've had a lot of experiences lately where employees have been sitting around using inappropriate language or complaining- while it doesn't necessarily affect me directly it does annoy me so I'm grading the guys in the back too...). They get an A.
The guy taking our money...... Might have been having a bad day. Might have been new (um, it was the second day they were open so he was very likely new if not from the other location). Might have just been ready to go home. Or Maybe had a migraine coming on himself. He wasn't rude but when I'm purchasing a cupcake called 'Oh Happy Day!' I like it to come with a smile. Or at least eye contact. I give him a B.


CUPCAKES: Great selection (especially since we were there so close to closing). In fact, if we would have been there earlier in the day with more options I may have been overwhelmed. They do rotate through the cupcake menu though and offer different flavors on different days. I am anxiously awaiting an available Wednesday so I can make it to Raspberry Lemon day!

We chose four- Sully, Mint Cookies n' Cream, Maple Bacon, and Oh Happy Day! Then we put Oh Happy Day! back and opted for Prince.

Descriptions from web: 

Prince: blue vanilla cake | blue vanilla buttercream | blue & white sprinkles

Mint Cookies n' Cream: chocolate cake | mint chocolate cookie buttercream | crushed chocolate cookies

Maple Bacon: vanilla bacon cake | maple cinnamon buttercream | crumbled maple bacon

Sully: description missing from web


I chose Sully because it was a common favorite listed on their website. (It was topped with m&ms and oatmeal and had peanut butter frosting so it would have been an easy sell anyway). It was delicious! Not too peanut buttery and while the oatmeal doesn't seem like enough to make a big difference, it did! I'm going to start topping everything with it. :) Grade: A+



Prince: Didn't try it but Colson told me it was REALLY good so I'm taking his word for it. A+

Mint Cookies n' Cream: I'll be honest, I chose it because mint is my current favorite color. I know that's a terrible reason to choose a cupcake but it seemed more logical than doing eeny meeny miney mo in front of the sweet cupcakeista. The mint frosting: Seriously YUM. I would be in big trouble (but very happy) if I had a tub just of that stuff. The chocolate cake was good but not great. I was hoping for it to be a little more moist but in fairness to the cupcake- it was the last one of the bunch I tasted and it had big shoes cupcake liners to fill. Grade: A



Maple Bacon: I know bacon is 'in' right now but I haven't jumped on that (super bad for us) trend. Yet. I chose the Maple Bacon cupcake because I thought it'd be the one my big brother would choose and I felt bad about ditching him for the day. So while I hadn't jumped on that 'bacon on everything' trend yet, I might just start driving the bandwagon today. Um. YUM. Seriously. To die for! I ate the whole cupcake for breakfast (other than the few bites I snuck at midnight because it was beaconing me from the other room!) and I didn't feel one bit bad about it. It was good enough to make me forget all about that gym conveniently located next door to Scratch and if I had a tub of the maple cinnamon buttercream I'd be in HUGE trouble. Emphasis on the huge. I'm gonna give this one an A++ but only because I think anymore plus signs might be annoying. It was that good. (Yes- it was so good I ate it all before there was enough daylight to get a decent picture so I present this not so lovely iPhone picture instead:)



So overall, I think you MUST go check out Scratch. Like right now. Stop what you are doing and get there immediately. Well maybe not immediately because they aren't open on Sundays and would probably frown upon you breaking in for cupcakes. But get there soon. Like maybe tomorrow.

And if you need someone to tag along for moral support, please invite me. I still have 50+ flavors to try.

P.S. Yes I did all my cupcake tasting behind B's back. Poor kid doesn't know what he's missing out on. :)

Have you been yet? What are your favorite flavors?

What a Year Looks Like

I went back and forth on how to document B's growth in the first year. I had a lot of ideas and had a hard time choosing just one (so I chose a few). Here is one of my favorite timelines of B's first year. And since I'm finally sitting down to attempt to finish B's scrapbook, maybe I will get more of those timelines shared soon. Or maybe not.


Either way- here is B's first year in the chair. We started out doing his chair pictures by week then as he got a little older, switched to bi-weekly then monthly. I'll likely try to do more at 15 mo, 18 mo & 24 mo. Maybe. Or maybe not.


So here it is- B's weekly/monthly chair pictures by the chalkboard. It's crazy to think back to how small he was a year ago and how fast he has changed. Man those 12 months go by FAST! Slow down, B. Slow down!







Tips on measuring a year:
-Use the same chair, toy, outfit, or another common factor to give an idea of size. If possible, use the same location or background.

-Do your best to get take the pictures at the right time. If you commit to doing them weekly, it can be a challenge but it's definitely worth it! I wrote reminders in my calendar and even had an alarm set on my phone to remind me to take his pictures. If you are forgetful like me, that can be a helpful tool! :)

-Don't worry if baby is crabby or doesn't want to sit still. It's fun to capture them where they are at that moment (check out week 3, B was so over pictures at that point). Incorporate their new milestones if you can. When capturing my friend's little girl's monthly pictures, I shot her on an oversized calendar each month doing whatever new skill she had learned. Sometimes that meant she was crawling away from the camera and that's okay!

-Edit the pictures uniformly and have them cropped to the same ratio. Learn from my mistake here! I didn't think about the fact that the rocking chair wouldn't sit at the same angle as my baby's weight changed (doh) so as the months changed, so did the angle of the chair making it look larger in some pictures than others. Having your elements and camera set to the same angle each time help keep the picture uniform looking. Use a tripod if you need to!

-Mix it up a bit! I attempted to-notice week 6 taken on Christmas... it's in the shape of a Christmas tree. I wish I would have added in more of those elements to help us remember the season or other special events. Add fun props in if that works with your set up but remember to keep the basic elements basically uniform.

-Have fun with it!! Don't make it a stressful activity and don't stress over baby sitting perfectly. I'll tell you a secret- they probably wont. :) Try to work during their happiest time of day but if they aren't loving it, just go with it and capture a crabby face (I think those are cute too!) or come back to it a little bit later.

-Don't give up. Trust me. You'll love having these comparison shots as they continue to grow so it's definitely a commitment worth sticking to! Good luck!! :)

More Questions (This time with Answers)

Some of the questions in my inbox are repeats and I keep saying "I have a post coming about that." But really, I don't. I mean I have posts floating around in my head but that's about as far as some of them are (and others that actually have been drafted in blogger have been there so long they aren't really relevant anymore). So here's the Q&A post I keep promising. And I'm sorry that last post about questions teased you. ;)

1. What foods does B eat? How did you transition him from baby food?

-B was exclusively BF but around 5 months (or so?) he started really showing an interest in our food. Not just your typical, interested in it because it's there but interested in it because it was FOOD. He knew he was missing out. So while we had big plans of baby led weaning, we let him have some pureed foods. We held off on cereal (for a lot of reasons but mostly because of digestive reasons) until about 8 months and started him with applesauce and other baby foods. We didn't do homemade per say but we did mash up a lot of foods that we were eating so he could have them (bananas, avocado, sweet potato, etc.). Soon after (6 months) he was able to pick things up and mash them well with his gums. I know a lot of people say to wait until they have teeth to give them more solids but everything I could learn about baby led weaning says babies mash food with their gums. So I gave him solids and wouldn't ya know it- he mashed it right up with his gums! We did wait until he had his two top and bottom teeth for meats and of waited until after a year for allergen foods (though a lot of research says you don't have to do that anymore.. we did anyway).

Feeding has been pretty simple and an easy transition for us and he currently eats basically everything we are eating. You can read more about foods we've given him if you click the baby food tag below.

2. When did you stop breastfeeding? 

-Oh my! This is a popular question! A lot of people want to know! And I've been getting this question for a long time- way before I quit BFing. 

I always thought I would go one year. Then I started and my goal was 6 months. I'll be honest- I basically hated it in the beginning. But it was important to me and I knew it was good for B so I forced myself to do it. I do NOT recommend that route for everyone. Obviously forcing yourself to do it could turn out to be worse for you and baby so if it's not something you really believe is going to be beneficial for your baby and family than you should probably not go that route!

But I'm stubborn. And cheap. I did the math and figured if I BFd for 3 months I would get my money out of the pump we bought so that became my new goal. I stuck it out and by 3 months we had the hang of it and BFing was easier than I could have imagined! We kept going at that point and by 11 1/2 months I was ready to start weaning. B was still nursing 5-6 times a day at that point (which is more than what they say is normal but not more than what other stay at home nursing moms have told me). My goal was to have him down to twice a day by his birthday then start weaning him down from there.  Soon after his birthday we were successfully down to only nursing before bedtime. 

......and then he got sick. Other than some ear infection, this was his first real illness and of course I felt bad for wanting to quit BFing! The Dr actually suggested letting him nurse as he wanted while he was sick (because he didn't want anything else and we were worried about dehydration) so my supply came back and he was nursing full time again. As soon as he got healthy, I quickly weaned him off (it wasn't as bad this time so obviously I wasn't making as much milk as before). On January 4th (at almost 14 months), B was nursing before bed and I asked him if we could be done nursing. He nodded his head yes and climbed off my lap to go get a sippy cup. And that was that! (Had I known it was that easy I probably would have asked a long time ago. Haha!)

I am SO glad that he was able to nurse as long as he could but I cant say that I miss it. He still likes to snuggle while he has his sippy cup so I guess if he didn't like to snuggle for that I might miss nursing but I really don't. I DO miss the safety net of nutrition it provides and I feel like being done nursing really forces me to step up my game in the toddler meal planning arena.

3. What do you think of the teething necklace?

-I have no strong beliefs for or against it. But it definitely doesn't hurt! When we lost his original one, we did notice a lot of discomfort with a tooth coming through and since getting a new one we haven't noticed much discomfort with teething again. (I should point out during the time he acted like his tooth was bothering him, he was also sick.) B actually 'requests' to wear it these days so he has it on almost daily. (As I get him dressed he sees it on his dresser and points to it then tries to put it on himself.)

4. Is that a temporary tattoo?

-Yes. My baby has a trucker belly and a temporary tattoo. And he sprawls out in his lazy boy with the remote while wearing only a diaper and socks. No. We do not live in a trailer down by the river. 

(The temporary tattoo was for a special occasion. I'll post it soon over on {cb}h!) :)

5. Will you go back to work next year?

-Well I never really stopped working so 'going back' doesn't quite sound right. If you mean going back to teaching, the answer is I'm not sure. I do miss teaching and the awesome teachers I worked with but I LOVE being home with B. If money wasn't an issue, I would definitely be staying home with B. I just feel like I will never get these years back. I spent so much time working at daycare where I got to see all the awesome milestones kids were reaching before their parents go to see them. I got to see that light bulb go off as they learned something new- their parents missed it. I just know there are going to be so many of those things I'll miss out on once he's in school full-time that I'd hate to miss out on all these in the younger years. I love being his mama AND his teacher and I cant imagine giving up part of that job to some one else. That being said, insurance and bills have to be paid and teaching is a great way to meet that need so I may be going back to school. Unless we win the lottery. Then I'm totally staying home. :)

6. You had mentioned a post about Baptism Vs. Dedication- have you typed it yet?

-Yes! About ten times. It's one I actually have proofread and I just cant seem to get it right (see what I mean in #6?). I am not opposed to infant baptism but we had strong feelings and reasons for infant dedication instead and R had strong feelings as to why he wanted to experience a believer's baptism even though he'd been baptized as an infant. So I'm not sure if that post will ever make it to the Hickstionary but long post short- we believe in a believer's baptism and it was really, really, really cool to get to see R experience that.



7. How do you find time to blog?

-I cash in my 'me time' for it. I gave myself 0-little me time last year and one of my goals this year is to give myself more of it. Blogging is the easiest way for me to get it because I can do it while waiting for images to upload for work (and I work while B sleeps). I also blog from my phone while I'm waiting or in the car (not while driving or on baby duty of course) or while I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep at night. Most of my posts are about 5 minutes worth of effort with little to no proofreading these days (sorry about that) but I enjoy doing something versus nothing (which is what would happen if I pressured myself to have well thought out, well edited posts). It used to be important to me to have posts with a clear beginning, middle & end. Posts that had a point. And posts that (mostly) followed the grammar rules rather than the H rules. But one of the great things that happened when my blog was locked and I was just writing it for me was that all those things flew out the window. I stopped caring about numbers and stats and while my post quality has gone down (and maybe my readers), I'm totally okay with that!

I know there are others in my inbox so I may add to this again in the future (and for the photog ones, I'll try to update the {cb}h blog with those). Maybe. :)

Nursery Update and a Free Printout

Remember this artwork from B's nursery?

I got a little flack from it. Like having something like that made me a less nurturing mom.

But the kid didn't cry much as a baby so he must have read it and thought it was true, right? ;)

He did turn one though. And I keep having this nagging feeling that he isn't a baby anymore. And while I still love the 'crying is for babies... other babies' art, I'm thinking it's time to move one.

I'm not fully ready to spiff his room up into a full blown big kid room, but I have made a couple little updates to it. And the baby art needed to go.


He's totally into things that move right now. He mostly drives his tractor around but he does have a trike in his room that he attempts to ride when we are in there.


So this seemed like an appropriate addition.

It's cute right? (The 'big boy' anything but girly kind of cute of course.)


You can download your free 'they see me rollin' printout here. (Print it as an 8x10 or 8.5x11 at your favorite print company.) :)

365 week two

January Eighth- Hattie (and grandma and Holly) came to hang out with B while I worked all day. I shot over 500 images this day!

Ninth- Busy work day. Between snuggling with B, I replied to about a gazillion emails, edited about a bagillion pictures, created about a mazillion documents and burnt a couple discs.* I work 80 hours a week so I don't have to work 40.
                                                               *gazillion, bagillion & mazillion might possibly be a little exaggerated.

Tenth- One of B's favorite people came to hang out. He thinks she came to see him and I think she came to see me. Either way, it was good for our souls! :)

Eleventh- Big day for B- he got to lick his first cookie dough beater. He thought it was kind of a big deal.

Twelfth- Big day for {cb}h- Over 30 sweet kids did the TAKE HEART valentines this year. And every single family signed up for The Olivia Act will get free pictures. How cool is that?! Oh and I got some free stuff too- check out the goodies my awesome {cb}h friends brought me.

Thirteenth- Wake up late. Ten minutes to get ready and out the door. Fifteen minutes late to church. Set up studio. Grab a bite to eat. Take newborn pictures. Continue taking newborn pictures. (It was a long session but SO worth it! You can check out more pictures here on the cbh blog.) Clean the studio (wait. I haven't even done that yet!). Eat supper. Go to small group. Put B to bed. Finally put my feet up for two seconds before back to the computer for work. Busy day and I forgot to get my camera out other than the newborn session. Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest and I'm going to stick to that a little better around here!

Fourteenth- It was a mismatched jammies, need an extra Kleenex day apparently. :)

Questions and Truth

Oh boy do I have a lot of questions.



Why do I have so many friends battling disease?

Why do so many people I love have to wait? (And wait so long?)

How can a sweet little boy really have cancer?

How can a family prepare to say goodbye to their sweet baby?






I just don't get it.


I have a lot of questions.



I've been wrestling with God over these questions.

I've been questioning my faith. And my God walk. And wondering how someone could send me an email to tell me I am such an inspiration to them when I felt so far away from God and felt like I had so little faith left.

But the questions- the unanswered questions- that's what faith is, isn't it?

Not having all the answers to the questions. 



Not having all the answers to the questions. and just believing.

Believing. And trusting.


And leaning on the truth.


And I realized that these questions are okay to ask. But I may not ever get the answers I want this side of heaven.


And with faith, that's okay.


I just have to keep leaning on the truth.



Truth:



'God comforts the broken hearted.'

'He gives strength to the weary.'

'Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.'

'The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.'

'He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.'

'I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and hope.'


HOPE.







PS-
Loved this truth from Ann's blog today:

You may wrestle, but in Him you have won. You may regret, but in Him you will rise. You may suffer, but in Him you are secure. You may no longer be free to live the easy way, but you will be free to the liberty of doing everything for love. 

Checking In

I had good intentions of posting my 365 update today.

But it didn't happen.

I have been keeping up with the pictures though so I feel pretty good about that. Just haven't taken the time to upload them to the computer.


I've uploaded somewhere around 700 other photos this week though.

I've met some amazing families recently.


And my heart is full.

But aches at the same time.


My emotions have been all over the place this week.



SO much to be happy about. So much to be thankful for. So many blessings.


Yet there is still pain. And despair. And heartache.


But there is HOPE.

And God is GOOD.

"We don't worship God because our circumstances are good. We worship God because He is good."

Amen!


God is most definitely good and it is well with my soul.





All that to say, I haven't uploaded any 365 pictures from the week yet because I've been busy wrestling with God, resting, praying, hoping.


And I hope to be back soon with a fun update and some pictures of the boy.


:)

Right of Passage

B hit an important milestone yesterday. A right of passage, really.

He got to lick his very first cookie dough beater!


And since I only make cookies about once a year, it will likely be his last for awhile.



He must have known it was a rare treat because he thoroughly enjoyed it. And enjoyed sharing with Dakota too. I believe his quote was, "Oh yum yum yum yum YUM!" Followed by, "Mo, mo! Peas! Mo!" (more, more! please! more!)


So that was a lot of fun.


What is NOT a lot of fun- having to sneak treats now because the kid knows exactly what treats are and where we hide them and that he NEEDS one every time mama or dada think they need one.  He spent almost every day last week standing in front of the cabinets reaching up saying, "Peas!" (please) because he knew the m&m stash was up there. When they finally ran out and I showed him the empty jar he got a super sad face and said, "oh no..."

I'm pretty sure it was the saddest moment of his life.

Other than the time Tow Mater drug him across the living room floor.


But it ranked right up there with sad days for him.



All that to say, I learned one more thing about parenting that all those child development classes never taught me- you will not, ever in the rest of your life, get to enjoy a special treat once you become a mom. You will either have to share or feel guilty about sneaking it during nap time. Good luck with that.


:)

Oh wait! This post isn't finished yet.

You have to go make these cookies!

I found the cream cheese stuffed snicker doodle recipe on Pinterest. J & I were talking about how loving & hating pinterest and how you can stick a candy bar on top of anything to make it pin worthy. Also how snicker doodles are a total let down because they don't in fact contain snickers.

Until now.

Go make this recipe for cream cheese filled snicker doodles. Then stick half a mini snickers on top and you have cream cheese stuffed snicker snicker doodles.

Voilà! Talk about a pin worthy (and Becks approved) treat!   You can thank me (or hate me) for sharing the recipe with you later.


You're welcome.

Mini Me

When B is being stubborn R likes to say he is just.like.his.mama. When he's being naughty, I like to say he is just.like.his.dada. Both of us might be a little bit right once in awhile. ;)

Lately B has been loving putting things around his neck like his daddy's ties (or mama's scarves). Anything becomes a neck tie (or scarf) and he thinks he's so darn cute when he does it.

I, of course, agree with him.


So yesterday morning as he's fashioning my headband into a neck tie, I grab the camera and try to get his picture. And then he acts just.like.me. He of course wants to check out his picture on the screen then wants to take his OWN pictures. I hand him a camera (sans film) and let him play. He happily shoots away (as much as he can- that camera is heavy!) then says "see" as he goes to check the back for his picture. Only there's no picture there and he becomes a little bit irritated with the darn camera. I can relate buddy. :)



Future photographer??

An Outtake

Yesterday, as I was trying to get my 365 shot, I captured this outtake instead. Obviously B needs to work on his 'hug' technique a little lotta bit. Poor Hattie!

Hickstionary 365

Way back in 2010 I took a picture every single stinkin' day. (You can check that out on my Hickstionary 365 blog here.) While it was awesome to look back on all the pictures, it was a lot more work than I thought it would be and I vowed to never do it again. In 2011, I worked and worked and worked and then had a baby. Until November of that year the only pictures I snapped were for {captured by} heidi photography. Between November of that year and the end of 2012, I TRIED to take pictures of B. I had GOOD INTENTIONS to take pictures of B. But I just wasn't very good about doing it.

So here I am in 2013 starting another 365 project. I am actually really excited about it and hoping that it will help me to document B's life a little better. When I look at how much he changed from January 1, 2012 to January 1, 2013 I can hardly believe it. I just know that this year is going to be more of the same so the 365 just makes sense!


I plan to take a photo every single day this year but if I miss a day I'm not going to beat myself up and I'm totally okay with taking a picture of something that represents that day (i.e. a picture of the computer if I spent all stinkin' day working at the computer and couldn't get away to take pictures). (Not that I could ever do that with a toddler running around so that might not be the best example but you get the idea.)


So without further adieux, I present to you the first week of my 2013 Hickstionary 365. (I haven't decided yet if I'll keep these over on the other blog or just keep them here. Thoughts on that?)

Jan 1st- Apparently nobody was cooking on the first of the year. We got several invites to go out to eat but the first invite came from Papa Tractor so we met him for dinner in Des Moines. B is a big fan of Papa Tractor! (And no, his name isn't actually tractor.)

2nd- B hangin' out in his recliner and daddy reading 'Tickle Monster' to him. My what hairy hands you have.

3rd- For 14 days straight B was a daddy's boy. And did not get stuck in a cage play pen while mama got ready in the morning. That all changed today when daddy had to go back to work. B brushed his teeth while mama brushed hers. And when daddy came home, B squealed in delight but then ran straight to mama's arms. :)

4th- I was laying on the floor to catch a shot of B doing one of his favorite things- building (he was using this set of stackadoos he got for Christmas). He's been very aware of the camera lately and as he saw me lay down with it he followed my lead and laid down to smile. What a cheese ball!

5th- A tough day for this mama heart. And this stomach too. More on this day soon (I think) but me laying on the couch trying to eat crackers sums it up kinda well.

6th- My little man is growing up too fast! He's in the toddler room now at church! It was SO cute to see him sitting with his snack with all the other kids at the big boy table. I wish I would have taken my camera out and got a picture but I feel weird about snapping pictures of kids I don't know. My goal is to get more brave and just snap away! (He technically should have been in the toddler room a month ago but we missed church almost the entire month of December between sickies and traveling.)

7th- Busy day with our attempt to attend toddler time then meeting daddy at the basketball game. We weren't home much today but while we were, B was super snuggly with his blankie. I've been trying to get him to attach to another one while I leave this yellow one for special (it was R's when he was a baby and his grandma made it) but B is determined to attach to this one. It's so delicate I hate to let him drag it around but it's so dang cute when he does.

The Story Time That Never Was

After seeing B sitting with all his friends at the big boy table at church (well even before that, but especially after that), I made the decision that I MUST get B out of the house more and around littles his own age. He LOVES being around kids his size and it's so fun to see him interact with them.

Also, he's become quite the homebody (like his mama) and it could be a long winter if we don't make it out of this house a little more!

So we were so excited to see that Toddler Time at the library was starting up today. And a 10 am start time? Perfect! (Most activities for kids his age fall right during his nap time- apparently his nap time is different from the rest of the world.)

We trekked up the road and arrived at the library (not our local one- one I hadn't been to for quite awhile) and we see a big fat closed sign on the door. I vaguely remember seeing something in the paper (or somewhere) about renovations and I remember yesterday after running an errand, R mentioned seeing a satellite library location next to the Hobby Lobby.  I do a quick Google search (what did we do before smartphones?) and see that the library has in fact moved. Luckily it's not too far away so we head over there and make it just in time for Toddler Time to start.

B was SO excited. He saw all the books in baskets right at his level and wanted to read every single one (well at least one page of each one before moving on to the next one). He was equally impressed with the toys (especially the really germy looking ones). He played and played and was having a ball. As more and more toddlers arrived, I was beginning to wonder when it might actually start. Apparently others were wondering too because after waiting twenty minutes, we found out that they weren't actually going to start this week but planned to next week instead. Wellalrightythen. 

So there was no official toddler time but B had a great time playing and exploring. Until a lady insisted he was a she and kept calling him 'Becca.' (Okay so that didn't actually bother B, he was still having a great time.) Enough that I was going to take my picture of the day (for my 365). I mean seriously, the shot was going to be adorable- he was running around, with his suspenders hanging, from toy to toy and looking oh so adorable. Until I pulled the camera out. Then he just sat down on the floor and cried. And screamed. And got dirty looks from the quiet library goers. 

So we packed up and headed home. And as he sat in that carseat he looked at me with tear stained cheeks and said 'sorry mama.' (With his eyes anyway.) It's okay B. We'll have another toddler time some day. And I promise we'll leave before we start interfering with nap time.

Playing in the Snow

Remember how much I love snow days and couldn't wait to build a snow man with B?

Well my husband does NOT love snow days. I'm going to guess because snow season and basketball season align and he would choose the gym over a sledding hill any day.

There are a lot of R's traits I'm hoping B will get but the love for snow days... I was hoping he would get that from me.

So far, it doesn't appear that he has.....

.....We finally got B out in the snow and he hated it. He kept saying, "Ick. NO! UCK! NOOOO!" You would have thought we were trying to get him to take his medicine or something.

So I tried an ease into it approach. I brought a little snow to him.


What I'm sure B is thinking... 

"Eh.... what is that mama? I'll check it out with my 'one finger' tester. Hmmm.. this is kinda cold. I'm not a fan. What are you thinkin' mama??"

He promptly shoved it off the table and I wasn't quick enough to get a shot of that. As we sat down to eat a little later, I tried the snow again.

"What? Now it's here with my food?!? OHHHH. I get it!! YUM YUM!"


That's my boy! Anything edible=awesome. :)

And hopefully one day he'll love playing in the snow and not just eating it. :)

B's First Art Project

Well not technically his first. He's made some things with me but I've always added to them or jazzed them up. This was his first ever, creative, open ended art project, done all by himself! And even though I was expecting a pintrosity, other than the whole eating paint thing it went great!

Oh don't worry. Paint wasn't the worst thing he ate today. In fact it was #3 on the list of worst things he ate for the day. (Toilet cleaner wand and dog food topped the list. I guess I was just THAT awesome of a mom today.)

(Note to self: Buy children's/non-toxic paint...... and put the toilet cleaner wand away.)





B's Valentine Hearts..... inspired by Pinterest:

DIY Squeezable Baby Food

I swore I would never buy those expensive baby food pouches. But one day we were at the store and the kid (who had no idea what they were) pointed to them and signed 'more please.' And I'm a sucker for his baby signs so I got them. And I tasted them (what, you don't taste the stuff you feed your baby?). And they were actually pretty yummy. And then one day we were running late. And B needed a snack. And these were sitting right there all convenient like to grab. And they made my life a little easier that day. And.. well.. you get the idea.

So B, who has been perfectly capable of eating all sorts of good solid food for quite some time now, started eating the squeezable pouched baby foods. And life was a little easier when I could just grab one of those instead of cook up some peas for a snack.


But they are expensive.

And our small town store doesn't carry them. So we rarely have them on hand. And when we do, I really try to save them for 'special' times (like when mama is running late and shoulda been out the door 10 minutes ago but the babe needs a snack).

But the kid still loves 'em anyway.

And tonight as I was cleaning out the fridge and went to throw one away he freaked.
Of course it was the last one. And we don't own any of those cute reusable ones.
So I dumped some applesauce into a straw sippy cup and called it good.
And wondered why I hadn't thought of that before? And why I've never seen it on the interwebs.

Until now.

Mama didn't raise a rocket scientist but I do present to the world, the DIY squeezable baby food pouch. AKA a sippy cup with a straw.

P.S. I sincerely hope you don't feel dumber for reading this post. ;)

Update: Today we stuck a straw in the yogurt and B loved it. We are getting all kinds of crazy ideas around here. :)

I know this post is old news but several people are still stumbling upon my blog by searching for DIY squeezable baby pouch so I thought I'd add our latest DIY pouch- just use the hole puncher to make some holes in the top of the plastic yogurt lid and stick the straw in. This has been the easiest one yet and B loves that he gets to do it all by himself. (The yogurt eating, not the hole punching!) :)

Forever Reign | Hillsong

'You are good, You are good
when there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world
forever reign.'

You are more, You are more
than my words will ever say....'

The Picture That Never Was

I know I promised the last post would be the last New Years one.

I was wrong.


Sorry you guys but I had to share this shot... or series of shots rather.


You see I had all these visions of my New Year's baby posing perfectly for a party picture and I couldn't wait for New Year's so I could take the shot.

Then (several months later) when it was actually New Year's, I had a sick baby (you can still see his crazy rash in these pictures). And then when I finally got to the store to buy the props, all the New Year's stuff was gone (well not all of it.. but what I was looking for). Then the little guy never really did get to feeling better so we attempted the mini-shoot when he was still crabby. And well... then he wasn't wanting anything to do for it.

So there you have it. The shot that never was.

But I present to instead.... every shot I that I did get.


Oh, B....










:)



(I had planned on photoshopping 'Happy New Year' onto his banner. Because he was going to be sitting perfectly still you know. And yes, it switches sides after the first shot. Apparently while I was adjusting my lights he ripped it off (for the first time) and R stuck it back on him. I didn't even notice until I pulled these up tonight. In case you haven't noticed.... photographer's kids are the hardest clients.) ;)

Best of '12

1. Most thankful for in 2012:

-My healthy boy! We had been so, so blessed with a little guy who had rarely got as much as a sniffle. This last month as he was hit with more, it made me realize just how blessed we are to have a healthy little boy who is so full of life!


2. Favorite Moments in 2012:

-Lazy mornings snuggling
-New cousins and fun with old cousins
-Ledges
-R's Baptism
-Beckett's Dedication
-Weekend at the lake with great friends
-B's 1st Birthday Mustache Bash
-B's first steps!
-Favorite Things Party (anyone want to have another one soon?!)
-Zoo trips with B!
-B first saying 'Mama' and 'Ove Ou' (love you)
-Family time at the Orchard!
-Omaha with the fam
-Mommy dates with A & K (before they had to move)
-Everything about watching B grow and discover new things
-Meeting mommy goals (like breastfeeding and crib sleeping)
-Lots of wagon rides
-B made his KCCI debut (and last I checked, he was still making front page news) :)



3. Favorite Things in 2012:

-Slobbery baby kisses
-Urban Decay Naked Palette
-Minnetonka moccasins
-Palette accessories (I now have 3 different palette necklaces to rock- I'm spoiled!)
-Pre-maternity clothes
-Center Grove Orchard Donuts! (and fudge.)
-New iPad from grandma
-Dry shampoo
-ELF bronzer
-Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (I feel like I read from this book everyday for at least the first half of the year)
-Bloglovin'



4. Other notables from the year:

-Choosing a new church
-Joining a new small group
-R joined his first men's study
-Making our first Thanksgiving turkey (& celebrating Thanksgiving with good friends)
-Running together
-Too many friends moved away
-My first full calendar year of full-time {cb}h (and a lot of take your baby to work days)
-The great hard drive crash of 2012
-My mom retired from her postmaster job. I started mailing my own packages.
-B won a costume contest for his UP costume on his very first Halloween
-B spent way too much time at the end of the year with Drs.


 5. Hoping for in 2013:

-More time with family.
-More time with friends.
-To be a brighter light.
-To be more intentional with my time and to invest more in people that matter (which sums up our 2013 goals pretty well I think- you can check those out here).

What about you? How would you summarize 2012? What are you hoping for in 2013?

P.S.- I promise this is the last of my New Year's posts. ;)

2013

Hello, 2013! It's crazy great to see you! When people talk about 1998, it still seems like yesterday so I have no idea how it is 2013 already but ready or not, I guess it's here!

Do you set New Year's Resolutions? I don't typically but I do always have goals in mind. My high school FCS teacher used to tell us that if we didn't have goals we would stop being productive. She'd ask what we were living for if we didn't have goals to meet. When I'm feeling in a slump or like I haven't accomplished anything lately, I do a self check on what my goals are and what I'm doing to work towards them.

So while we don't necessarily set 'new years resolutions' we do take advantage of the fresh start of the new year to have a family meeting and talk about our goals. We typically make lists for what we want to accomplish for the marriage, as a family, for the home, and for the business. I like to check in on our lists throughout the year to see how we are doing. It's a great way to help us stay intentional about meeting goals together.

This year, I've started thinking about my personal goals for 2013. I feel like I have more than ever before and I realized that's likely because my life feels just a little crazy right now!

My personal goals for 2013:

1. Capture (and record!) B's memories. Obviously this is an important thing for me but I've not been investing as much time into this as I'd like. I plan to do a better job by doing Project 365 again, blogging our life (at least one B post a month), & keeping up to date on the family yearbook (by not getting more than one month behind at a time). In his first year of life I did a decent job at getting photos printed and keeping his scrapbook but I'd like to do a better job of it this year.

2. Spend time in prayer with B each day (other than before meals). When I'm on bedtime duty, this is easy to do as part of our bedtime routine but when it's not basketball season, R does the bedtime routine  a lot of nights (and I'm normally working). I want to be more intentional about spending time in prayer with him more often throughout the day.

3. Schedule 'me time' at least once a week. B was exclusively breastfed (yay!) which made it difficult for me to get much me time when he was tiny. At least that's what my story was. I know even breastfeeding moms make time for themselves and it's so healthy (and necessary) to do but between taking care of B, the home and the business, I felt like there wasn't much time left for me. I plan to take more 'me time' this year by spending more time with friends, reading a book each month, going to the store by myself!, getting haircuts (seriously, I only had ONE in 2012!), blogging and crafting.

4. Exercise at least 2-3 times each week. I know that doesn't seem lofty but for me it is! I go in phases with the exercise and right now I haven't exercised since the Color Run (yikes). When I'm on, I can exercise 5 times a week. And when I'm not... well see my previous comment about the last time I exercised. When B was born, I was intentional about healthy eating habits and exercising so that I could be a good role model for him (in case his crazy dad's exercising habits aren't enough to convince him). At around 6 months, I was losing weight too fast and was going to need to either do something different to maintain my weight or quit breastfeeding. Instead of adding more healthy calories to the diet, I just quit running. What a mistake! I feel like it's something I have to start over with at the very beginning so I'll be working back to where I was (and then STAY there this time).

5. Set work hours for {cb}h (and NOT work outside of those hours (as much as possible). This one will be tough for me! I spend way too much time on email and Facebook during my editing hours. I think setting specific hours for editing and specific hours for communications (email, Facebook, blogging), will help me use my time better. I also need to be more strict on charging extra fees for extra hours. I typically will allow repeat clients to schedule things outside of my scheduled hours and do not charge the extra fees. I am missing out on too much family time to be doing this any more. It's so hard to find a good balance when working from home but I think it's getting easier all the time.

6. Do a women's Bible study. I had been doing both the spring and fall sessions of women's groups but since B was born I hadn't participated in one. R & I do a study with our small group (and it's great!) but I do still miss the women's study and I need to get back to it. My previous studies had been in the evenings and I hated to give up that time with R and as a family so I want to get signed up for a morning one (that also includes daycare).

My other 2013 goals are family, home and work goals that I work on with R. We had our family meeting and spent a good few hours working on them. To summarize- we plan to be more intentional with our time and to invest more in people that matter. Oh and to work on a bathroom. :)

Do you set goals? Do you check in on them often? What do you hope to accomplish in 2013?